I enjoyed this. Though, when Davis hides in the hallway as George is entering, I was confused. Davis smirks and suddenly George sees him? It just wasn't quite clear. Also, I thought George jumped to conclusions pretty quickly for a man with a gun in his face. I would have had him ask a few more clarifying questions, but that's just me. I loved your last sentence and thought it was the perfect way to end it. The beginning paragraph was also good. It hooked me in, revealed something about the character, the frost description was perfect, and it got me asking questions. Overall, well done.
Pretty dark stuff, which is just fine by me. Your descriptions are thorough and detailed. In my opinion, the parents were a little over the top. I think I would've liked it better if there was more explanation as to why they were so agressive in belittle and torturing her. As the antagonists of this scene, it felt like their actions were strictly just for the purposes of being antagonists, without any rhyme or reason to the madness. I guess what I mean is, it's one thing to be a drunk or money hungry, but to be that vindictive and cold seemed like a lot all together. I liked the quick pacing and I'm hoping we find out more about where her brother has been in coming chapters.
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