I love how you came up with your own story for how the moon was created! I thought that it was original, and loved the part about the stars.
I was, however, very dissappointed that you didn't write about Moon's prank. That was what caused Night's furious anger which resulted in Moon's decapitation, so it is a very significant part of the story. A story can never be too long.
Besides that, a little more description could really add a lot to this story. You might want to also give it a check for awkward sentences or bad word choices, because I spotted a few.
Oh, and putting spaces between the paragraphs would make it a lot easier to read.
This story has a lot of potential and really displays your imagination. If you expand a little on it, I think it can be marvelous!
The plotline of this story is great, but there are some aspects of it you might want to adjust.
First off, you should really break the chapter up into paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes. Every quote should start a new paragraph. Reading one long paragraph can get rather tedious.
While you had a lot of good adjectives, you really need to add some more description. I can't get a clear picture of cave, the cage, or what it was like flying. Imagery is a very important part stories, just as every other aspect of writing.
I know this is only the first chapter, but just remember to add some conflicts later in the story. A story without conflicts is like bread without butter.
Other than that, you might want to give it a once-over for punctuation and capitilization errors.
This story was good, and with some polishing could be really great!
A nice peaceful piece! There was great character build, but I would have liked a little more description on appearances and the environment. Other than that, it was a great little read! Loved the ending!
Very good! The mysterious suspense twist is great! You described her dreams very vividly. Good work! The ending was a real shocker! I want to read more!
You should put a space between each paragraph, it makes it a little easier on the eyes. You should also just go through this a little, work out some of the run-ons and few other grammar mistakes.
This was a great story! I love how you added a bit of another author's piece into it to scare Miranda. The description was also fairly good, but I would have liked a little more on the appearance of the hotel. A great scare before bed! Good work!
~Claire
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