Greetings I wondered out of my cave and into the Tea garden this morning wanting something to read. You must have left this scroll of your work laying out I hope you dont mind that I read it before I returned it to you. This is a very interesting piece I wish I know more about the prompt but still it stands on its own. The flow has a jerkiness thats seems to fit. But anyway heres your scroll back I look forward to finding other scrolls laying around in the future. Well off to find a cow to eat. Write o.
This is a sample Tea party from the Elven tea garden gifted to you by Me. I gift one sample a day by random read. To gift a full tea party to someone or get one for yourself visit us at "Invalid Item" .
I truly enjoyed your piece. Even without the picture I could see their romp in the forest. It is fitting that just as you set us with them you warn us of what will be lost (if our path remains as it is). I hope your words find other ears and opens their eyes. The fact the writing is excellent soon help. write on
Not bad darlin, you need to work on the flow of your words. just tweek it a little and it will be between 4 and 4.5. I know its hard to put herself out there but keep it up your doing great. I would say that even if I wasnt your dad. write on
I like the message behind it (or at least the one I think I see). Its the same with global warmers the more they preach the less is heard. I love having the seventh grades finding the solution. Old enough to think of larger problems but not to already have their opinions set in stone and be jaded. Write on
It looks to be an interesting ideal but its hard to follow in places. I do not even pretend to be an editor but you might tired to read your work outloud as if someone else is writing it. I think you would see what I mean. in one place you say 'one of the four' than you say in the next line you say 'father and four others' . I would like to see where you go with it.
I always enjoy a sleek set of line. The path you set is steady and easy to follow no seldom bumps or jumps. You have made each line naturally follow the previous one. Its beauty comes from the less is more. Adding words just to fill out a needed total never leads to where the words wish to go. I would not change a thing.
Clanbear
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| (4.5)
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