This is a great story! The end killed it for me though. As much as I do not like Fox or really any network news, it seems like if a statement about human kinds insanity was trying to be made, there are far better, more ironic and humorous ideas that you might have considered. I hope you don't take offense to this because I really really loved your story, the writing and the general idea are great. cheers and may the bird of inspiration poo on you daily : )
What an amazingly sad story. I think i found it so sad because i think it is true to different degrees for a lot of people. Family is what keeps you strong. They are your safety net. this poem expresses that beautifully. I've always said that people who miss out on the whole "mommy" experience as children are robbed of something very precious that can carry you through some of lifes darkest hours, even when your mommy is no longer around.
the story was written well. and this may sound picky and maybe some would disagree but in the sentence below, i would have searched for another way of expressing those actions without repeating the word open.
'Finally, I begun towards the door, pushing the squeaky gate open, I walked up the steps. Pushing the splintered oak door open, I stepped inside.'
i love my cat too and my heart is breaking for you. i'm so sorry that you lost her. this poem really moved me. because grief is just that simple isnt it? I think the saddest word in the English language is "miss".
i like the topic quite a lot. Letting yourself loose touch with your spirituality (i'm agnostic but that is besides the point) I like the last phrase of each verse, it was .......calming. It flowed nicely for the most part. the only advice i might give is to keep in mind that with a poem like that, rythm is as if not more important then the rhyme.
very nice poem i enjoyed reading it
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chowlynn
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 10:05pm on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
