The scenes, and scenarios are exceptional and hold my interest. I would have really liked for you to go into more detail in the opening battle. It seems it went way too fast and each experience felt by Fawn only lasted an instant. With imagination the battle comes to life, but I feel I have to fill in a lot of the details to create a scene in my head.
“Whoa, slow down. Everything was working fine and they’ll be plenty of time to work out any bugs.” They'll should be 'there'll', or 'be' could be changed to 'have'.
I like Data's personality a lot. Through conversation you did a great job giving him a personality.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chowbear
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 3:44am on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
