Another honest piece! I'm very grateful to you. All of us struggle with parenting and you're definitely not alone. It's wonderful most of the Time but everyone has those moments! Keep writing what it true for you. It's very brave and an inspiration for me to do the same,
This story is similar to "The Giving Tree." I like the theme that Carlie is special just by being herself and doing what she does best!
There were two phrases that seemed a little out of place for the intended audience. The first, "...keeping them healthy was her main priority..." seems a little advanced. I felt that something like, "keeping them healthy was the most important thing". The second,"...Jasper's mom sitting on a bench, crying" is a bit heavy for a child. I know that your cow needs a strong motivation to go back to her priorities, but i felt that, for the age range,the mother crying is a bit strong.(maybe something like the mother saying, "Carlie, Jasper is sick and needs your help.")
Other than those two very small things, I thought the story was wonderful overall and I would read it to my five year old son.
Love! i really loved your opening and the imagery was not lost by the sentence structure. I felt like i could see those evergreens and feel the cold. classic antihero with a bit of a savior complex meets idealized damsel in distress. I feel frustrated with her for wanting to have her cake and eat it too, and i want to know exactly what the woman is hiding under those bandages? a plague? a zombie bite? what has happened in the world? I want to know more and the only flaw I see is that Sarah seems so weak. Couldn't we make her just a bit less angelic? only because it seems to me that a man with a darkness could only handle so much of life with a perfect angel.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chloe2t
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 5:19pm on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
