Having written a monologue and a poem about war (the poem from a soldier's perspective, the monologue from a soldier's son's), I was interested to see what other people would say on the topic. I applaud the rhyming, because it didn't distract me from simply reading the poem. I also liked the varying emotions expressed, such as patriotism, regret, and sadness. Good work and keep up the pleasing poetry!
From the moment I read the title, I had a feeling this letter would be entertaining. I was right. Every paragraph of the letter was brilliantly crafted and listed one of the many complains against Monday. I also like your choice of topic for this piece, because every reader can relate to this complaint against life. Keep up the entertaining writing, and know that, given the right topic, you can certainly please your reader.
Well, good job at taking a simple object of nature and writing a very beautiful poem. For some reason, the blurred image of the lotus, with the sun shining in the background, came to me (You know how photographers sometimes get a blurred shot of something like a flower and it seems to look very nice? That's what I mean.) The gist of what I just said is that you created beautiful imagery. Also, in general, the second stanza was very calm, and peaceful and was an excellent ending to the poem. Good work on this poem, and keep writing.
You put in twice, and if happens to me so many times, so no sweat.
"...youth who eyes..."
I think you meant whose rather than who.
"...twilight light..."
If it's twilight, we know there's light.
"...how well they raise them..."
If they're discussing the future, they're going to raise them. This sentence sounds present tense.
There were a few other mistakes, but I'm lazy and must let others find them.
Point blank, this needs revision and editing, and I think you should do it. It'll give it a better first impression for readers. Having to correct these mistakes as an editor irritates us, not to mention we lose grip on the story. Some editors are kind and will re-read. Others take that into account and continue. If we can't read it all the way through without stopping, how can we call the story's idea good?
The best thing I saw was the imagery, painting a perfect picture in my head. I saw everything very well.
So, keep working on it and it'll become much better. Keep trying!
This was pretty good. I, however, didn't think the rhyming was necessary. It was just one of those things that removes from the effect. A poem isn't defined by rhyme, but message and flow. Well, that's my opinion. This was definitely a great message though. Love truly does grow from a small seed. I think that altering this poem and making perhaps at least another stanza is a good suggestion, but you must only try it if you want to.
I thought that this was a fairly good piece. It had great wording, what with what the small things were, such as the empty tissue box. My only gripe is that after I started, it was at a point where I had to reread it. Grabbing your reader's attention is difficult sometimes, but if you don't get it, what's the piece worth if they can't read it? I can see this being good, just rewrite it and consider what you wish to. Keep writing!
I liked this poem quite a bit. It had good imagery and it had a meaning as well to add on that. However, there were a few problems with the grammar, such as capitalization (i.e. "So ill go," which also requires an apostrophe to make I'll, rather than ill, unless someone's sick) and homophone usage mistakes (i.e. "Were the warmth will fill my empty space," you used the wrong were, it needs to be where). Besides that, it was a fairly good poem.
Wow, this poem had depth. I like how it rhymed, maintained meaning, and flowed well, the rhyming was the unnoticeable icing on the cake. I've known poems without one of these and it completely takes me out of the moment. You had them all and I couldn't resist reading on. It had great wording as well. Great job and keep writing.
Hmm, this is a good poem. I'm also impressed that you were able to add rhyming in, as well as maintain the impact, solidity, and depth of the poem. Usually, we rhyme and limit ourselves, but you pulled it off pretty well. I also thought the description was good and planted a clear image in my head. Good work and keep writing.
Wow, that's crazy and twisted. Yet so, it is very intriguing. I thought it was pretty good and had most things needed for a story like this.
There were, however, a few odd sentences I found. I copied the sentence, then put how I'd rewrite it. They're really not that bad. They're some of the ones where you have an idea for the sentence structure, then get a different one and forget to read it through so that it makes sense.
"Despite my interest, I never did thought of cutting myself at least not until he made such a comment. "
"Despite my interest, I had never thought of cutting myself. At least...not until he made such a comment."
"It was like drug to me."
"It was like a drug to me."
Besides that, it was good and well-written. Keep writing.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/checkj
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.12 seconds at 8:12pm on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
