at another writer’s site I used to frequent. It should be...at another writer's site I "use" to frequent. I know I'm a grammar Nazi. I just got to say I loved your article. It was very well written and very persuasive. That's what you want when writing an article like that. I'm definitely going to think twice before forwarding anything anymore especially through Facebook. There is so much stolen crap floating around on there. I even heard that people copy and past other members photos from their Facebook page and create a false page for themselves. It's sickening. Nothing is sacred anymore. Not even the stuff we put on this site. Even if our stuff is copy written someone could float our work around or pass it off as their own. So we all take a risk putting our stories and writings on here as well.
That such a sweet heart felt poem. I love your flow. Have you thought about making your poem into a song? I bet it would make a great one if you expand upon it. Personally I love poems that rhyme. It's just easier to read for me. Keep up the great work.
I liked it. Very well written. It didn't need rhyming because it spoke volumes without it. It had an inspiring tone too. I think one word in it was supposed to be song not sing. I could be wrong though. Very well done. Keep up the good work.
Wow, what a way cool story that was. I really enjoyed it. The descriptiveness really painted a picture of where it was and the personalities of everyone. It felt like I was transported into a movie scene for a moment. Thank you. Yeah, I got no negatives or critiques to give. It was that good. Have you considered getting published or are you already published?
I like the majority of this poem, but feel it could flow a little better. This is my reworking of your poem. Let me know what you think of it. It's more on the rhyming side. I don't know if that's what you wanted to go for. If not just dismiss this. If this gives you better ideas on how to revamp your poem that's cool too.
Pain is inflicted upon the damned.
Harsher than the dead in a can.
It tares at your insides baring it's yellow bloody razor sharp teeth.
Ravenous for misery and witchery.
Maliciously taunting you with mediocrity.
"You'll never be good enough and never win."
Endeavoring to manipulate your brain within.
It won't stop, can't stop beating you down.
But you fight to keep pushing on through with a slight frown.
"Give up!" the voice screams at the top of it's lungs.
You're isolated, crying wordlessly and wallowing in sorrow from the things you've done.
You're stunned with the silence from your intricate thoughts.
Loneliness overcomes you in your dark little room you've cleaned up with a broken broom.
All your mistakes play out before your tear drenched eyes.
You feel defeated deep inside. You beg for everything to stop, but it never does.
Pain is merciless and it dwells in our tormented brains. It isn't insane.
Wow, that was depressing, but beautiful. Why is it that sadness is so beautiful? I guess it touches that core hidden into our very souls. I liked it and it was very well written. Great flow and powerful. It made me feel s***ty about a time when I got violent with my wife. We're doing better, but I never want to be that guy. I'd rather get a divorce and leave her than be a man that abuses his only love in his life. I wish I could give you some pointers on what to improve, but I got nothing. Keep doing what you do. Go get published.
It's a fair poem. I'd only suggest going back to reword some of the lines in your poem for better flow. Also showing and telling is important in poetry as well. Get more descriptive. Poems are great for practicing descriptions.
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