\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cereal_box
Review Requests: OFF
2 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Bleached  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I think that you do a good job of describing things to reader. Like when you go to Mama-Mia's. I wonder if you could add a little bit about what Anna was like before she was in the car accident. I also think that it would be interesting if you added why the physical therapist didn't correct Anna when she called the narrator 'Uncle'. Other than these few things and some grammar/conventions type stuff, I thought it was really good.
P.S. I like the whole idea of being 'bleached'
2
2
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I think it would be better with some grammatical and word usage editing. You kind of switch between voices at odd intervals that are unseperated and don't come at steady intervals. I think that the story is very good but consider the fact that if a person is beat by a man they won't really love a man, studies have shown that they will often revolt finding it hard to love somebody of the same sex. perhaps with more background it would be better, also there were other parts that seemed unrealistic. but again, if there was more, if the characters were stronger and the setting it would be easier. i think the piece needs more developing.
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cereal_box