This is such a lovely poem tinged with loneliness and a little sadness. You have written it really well and I love the structure, rhyme and rhythm. It almost echoes his feet walking from town to town, a steady beat.
The only thing I could recommend is to consider the punctuation. For me when I read it aloud, I read it with a full stop after each second sentence, just as you did at the beginning. I read it consistently like that as it adds to the rhythm.
"His feet and the road meet
As he tramps the street.
Taking shelter where found
He sleeps on the ground."
However this is just my opinion and I don't you how you would read this aloud. But I hope it helps.
I like this poem a lot. I love the theme of time and abandoned places. It is very much relevant to today. It reminded me a little of the likes of Derek Mahon's poem "A Disused Shed in County Wexford" or stories by Elizabeth Bowen (she wrote about wartime London and used a lot of themes like time, change, old things/ways). I like your use of verbs such as "creeping", "climbing" and "seized", personifying nature and almost the violent way it attacks this poor house. And not only is the house a victim, but the woman, whose memory is tainted by the idea that she was an "old witch".
Great work! :)
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/celticsnow
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 9:19pm on Dec 25, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
