Great easy read, simple and straight forward. Everyone knows someone like Hal, well hopefully not getting hit by a bus, and so is easy to relate to. I liked the image at the hospital, and the incident when he was early. There are a few small gramatical issues but otherwise I thought it was a nice well contained little farce.
Really enjoyed this, its got a great speed to it, sharp and concise. Very neat rhythm to it as well. Excellent interoperation of a message behind a photograph, it invokes a sense of deep but brief consideration its quite captivating.
Well what can I say about this, I enjoyed it. It was obscure and interesting, and I enjoyed the subtlety of the names of Chance and Trouble. The other names I found a bit unessential, and a bit convoluted as in parts it is clearly written for children but in others it seems the vocabulary is a bit mature, formulated for example. However I am a strong believer in not talking down to children. That being said there are many names and creatures which have no descriptors which would paint a tremendous picture and would allow your mind to really blossom. I liked the idea of Chance taking a chance to capture Trouble. I think as a core for a story its an amazing concept which should be developed further. Writing for children I find a difficult genre. Good work!
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