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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/c12andtnt
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12 Public Reviews Given
14 Total Reviews Given
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Review of The Dam Town  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
LoL. This is just "dammed" adorable.

There are few places where it could use a little fine-tuning, but for the most part I think this has a definite possibility of being published, if it hasn't been published already.

The word infighting really broke my stride when I was reading this aloud to my friend. There has to be some other way to word that that flows more smoothly.

"I would have to turn back around and go to the courthouse and see the judge " consider replacing the first and with a comma.

I would change $75.00 to just $75, as I had to do a doubletake when reading this aloud. It looked like $7500 on first glance.

I also might make the "you already confessed" thing play a little more clearly. Don't state the guy's name to the end, but maybe "From what I see here, you already confessed", something that sets up the ending.

Otherwise, I loved it. So did my roommate, and he's not a writer. Keep up the good work.

Crystal
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