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Review of The Fun House  Open in new Window.
Review by Bryant RedHawk Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
What a good read this was.
Only the few grammar errors kept me from giving this a five rating.
It brings out emotions all along the way.
very good job.
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Review by Bryant RedHawk Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I like the story line. It brings a different point of view of angels to light, much like the Hebrew book of Angels. It shows them as more human than many would think about these beings.

The separation of the first line of the opening paragraph seems a bit awkward, but it doesn't make the thought flow feel interrupted. I enjoyed the read very much. I look forward to reading more.

I was a bit disappointed with the bit about Coriel's lusting for the demons bodies, it seemed to me that this could have gone a bit more in depth. I like the slant but it left me wanting more detail in her feelings about them.

The flow of the story is pretty good and I am sure it will be improved upon during revision.

There are a few places where it seems that things get out of order or they aren't consistent from line to line. An example would be the way Coriel is sworn to protect humans but thinks if ok to let the worst ones perish. I think this could be turned into a great internal conflict, it smacks of it already.

An other example would be the last three lines, where I'm left wondering if she is calling Michael a Jerk or is it Azazel who is the Jerk.
These are all things that I know will be worked out in revision, as it should be, so I have to give you a huge thumbs up. This is a story I want to keep reading.
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