I found this hard to folllow for my self, that not to say this is not good. I really enjoyed the imagary of
"Stradivarius Fiddles with Violins, We Fiddle with Engines."
The Fiddle and Violin being a fiddle this i though was very clevar.
All and all why i had a hard toime following your work here i belive your on to something. I would leave you with one suggestion touch into something raw and write from their. Over all nice work
I have read this a few times now. I'll be honest, I was lost for a bit. the pome gave me ideas of God looking down, or an intelligence. Poetry is often hard for me, and it is a good feeling when it talks to me. I am not sure this has spoken to me however it is good work.
Found you on the random and read your work here. I found it interesting the world you painted here for your reader is fun and it might be good to see it in a larger format. I see this was for a contest I did a few of them. I found great story ideas doing these and I think you have developed the start of a great Background. Happy Writing
Itersting, I had a hard time following it but that not uncomman for me.
The vision of the water and the ship though sits with me. I ts writen to me like a poem and iam sure that what it is.
I have read this many times now. and i can see the beast is the things we all have to encounter and handle. I enjoyed it. Thanks for the chance to look this over
Poeatry to me ofter meaning is heald by the reader. This Poem is profoundly sad for me.
I look for you in my dreams
I do that my wife passed some time ago and i dont know if something like this happened top you but this is what i see.
The memeroies her not receive. her bot seeing and not being here whe is. This has touched me in a very deep way. Thank you for your words and i hope writing it did not cause you the pain of meroiory that effected me.
I find my self in lock step with the start of this piece. Valitians day i see as what it truly is the Birthday of the State of Arizona. That said i do love how this shows when your not alone this day made special by nothing more then saying it is special touched me,
I like how the love here was from so long ago. Personally the woman i love with all my hart i have not seen in six years. but that will never change for me but hope is something we all long for.
As for helpful statement all i know is content, i don't spell well and grammar lost on me. If this is meant to be a short story watch how much detail you give the story is the point and to many descriptions can bog down a short story, if meant how ever to be a part of a larger story then the more description the better.
Once upon a time there was a their was a dark cave snuggled in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains. In and out Everyday,{b/} people known by the local's the mountain men moved in and out of it.
You see this was were they keep them the people that disappeared ever year from the streets of almost every major city on the east coast. What they do with them is largely unknown. One day,{/b)this cave will be found. Who knows really, what happens here. Or even were here is. Death, yes death or maybe Life as well. Death is the end for all.
Because of that, What does it matter. Is their a cave, or even a cat, or even the missing. Since if you can't see them that might as well not exist the people were forgotten about so very long ago did they even exist, and to them did the world outside the cave even exist. Someone knows the mountain men know.
Until finally,we as a people take more care of each other. Caring about the hell these people were left to, and accepted that we as a people need to care more for the lost longer then the short time it takes for the media to move on all the lost in the world might as well be keep in a Dark cave, run by the hill folk because who can say if it real or not just like a cat in a box.
Enjoyable story, truly the chaos and the lesson learned was fun. i see you wrote this some time ago now. If i were to offer anything at all it would be Attention to the details.
But really i great story i have not look to see if you written more but i look forward to reading more if you have.
Man, hart reaching, i loved it, the situation was just hard. I feel for the Father, he attaches empathy. The son however is not wrong in what he doing, the excuse is absurd.
again the detail could add more. the space ship could of been more daunting with just a few more descriptors and his reaction more despite and regretful with doom approaching and him knowing he could of been saved. But i truly loved this work
I liked the story a lot it caught my attention and keep me reading. It left me wanting more . the tech level seems high based on the names of some he weapons. If i have a suggestion, it would be more detail.
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