I enjoyed you story. The style reminded me of a folktale. I appreciate the way that you intermixed dialog, description and action. I often see people write long stretches of dialog, for example and that gets boring after a while. The way you switched back and forth was very good. I liked Angela. I had an idea that it wasn’t going to end well for her from the beginning of the story and I hated that. That’s good. You made me care about her.
There are a couple of thing I think could make the story better, for me anyway. I didn’t understand the father’s motivation. Was it jealousy? Did he know she was a witch and hate her for it. Did Angle’s mother reject him? Did Angle reject him? Knowing his motivation and foreshadowing that he had a issues with through his interaction with his son or Angle would, I think would strengthen the story. I also think there should be a stronger reason for the villager to turn on Angle, since she was generally like by them at the beginning of the story. Maybe the father was at the meeting and argued that she was the cause. Maybe the women were jealous of her. Maybe she was considered beautiful, but she was mistrusted because she was a loner. I would like some description ground the story in a place and time. Is this a tropical island? Is it modern day or two hundred years ago?
Stylistically, I do like your writing, but there is a lot of telling rather than showing. For example, instead of telling us that every boy and man was in love with her, you could show her going to meet Paulo and describe how she turned heads. Maybe you could show other boys unsuccessfully flirting with her (boys who later turn on her at the village meeting). It would add length to the story and, for me, make it even more engaging.
Bryan G
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