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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brendan712
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11 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of "Past Curfew"  Open in new Window.
Review by Carto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Inker, it's Brendan again!

Whilst scoping around your port for interesting pieces to review, this one jumped out at me for several reasons.
1. It required reviews, which is great, because I'm doing the Good Deeds Go Noticed contest for the first time and I've been
searching for things to review
2. It was about wonderful Sara, so it must be interesting and funny (having read "Tails of Sara", I know quite a bit about her
already)
3. I knew it would help you as well, so you can improve the memoirs of Sara

So, lets get started with the review, shall we?

From the beginning of the story, I immediately saw that the story was in the point of view of Sara, who is a dog. A story in the point of view of a dog? Genius!

Anway, upon reading further in, I began to learn more about Sara's background and how she tends to have many peculiar adventures. Perhaps this story should have been called, "Teddy's Plight"! That teddy sure did get into trouble often, didn't he?

Furthermore, when I finished reading the tale, I went back and skimmed over the story again, searching for any grammatical errors. Don't worry! I only found a few, the rest is practically perfect. The errors are marked below.

The sentence, "Again, I owe mom and Dad." towards the end of the story ought to use a capital for the 'm' in 'mom'.
The last sentence in the story, "I told you at the very beginning that I was a lucky dog...And I am!" has an unnecessary capital letter on 'And'.
“She’s hurt,” replied my dad. We need to get her to the Vet right away. Let’s get her and her into the car. God forbid. Don’t forget her teddy.” In this, you seem to be missing speech marks after, "replied my dad." to signify that he is still speaking.

All in all, this is a wonderful piece, and I hope you continue writing many more tales just like this in the future. If so, please email me so I can give it a read!

Great Work!

~ Brendan

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
2
2
Review by Carto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Finishes reading last lines of 'Measure Twice, Cut Once'*

...wow. Just .... wow. That really was an amazing story ... the end caught me off guard ... I was completely unprepared. Wow.
... anyway, I'm Brendan (just like Brandon, eh?) and I discovered this story when I was perusing for GP awarding items, at first I decided to read it because it rewarded 3,375GPs for a review, but I must admit ... the short description definitely intrigued me.
Upon reading it, however, I was instantly enveloped in the creative and the appealing storyline. The story flowed almost perfectly, with only a few dry patches inbetween.

All of the major events eg. the beach scene and the bookshelf incident, were positively enthralling, I couldn't tear my eyes away from my computer screen! Kudos to you in that respect, not many stories hold my attention that much! ^_^

The modern day setting definitely appealed to me, as I can relate, not in the parental sense, but I can relate to the issues of families. I noticed you used many metaphors and other grammatical techniques to great effect, I especially like the line, " Like a high stakes game of 'Where's Waldo', she could be anywhere. " Down in Australia (where I live) we call it 'Where's Wally', so I found that amusing. Another thing I liked was
" He clutched his left wrist and his hand spasmed at the end of it like broken spider. " I gives the reader a good insight at what Brandon's hand looks like and creates a vivid picture in their mind's eye of a flailing, spasaming (<<---not so sure if that is spelt right >_<) hand.

On to the old, wearing matter of spelling and grammar, I really only found one piece that could have been written better:
- " “Julie, watch out,” he cried, knowing he could never reach her in time, but trying all the same. "
[In this, I feel you could have used an exclamation mark ( ! ) after 'out' in the first sentence to your advantage to emphasize the fact that
Brandon was speaking loudly, and/or yelling in exasperation at his daughter.]

All in all, this was an unforgettable read, and I am sure this will stay with me for many, many years. Please continue to write more things like this, and I'll be sure to drop in and give 'em a read.

Also, if you don't mind, could you tell me by return email how long this took to write, I'm quite curious.

Great Job!

~ Brendan

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
3
3
Review of kale  Open in new Window.
Review by Carto Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there! I'm Brendan!

A friend of mine - Elixar - first told me about this piece, and I must say I am most impressed by your talents. When you say 'Corel Painter 11' I assume you mean some sort of drawing software. As a avid Photoshop user (I love to make maps for my stories! ^_^) I understand how long and how much effort you must have put into this picture.

As for the picture itself it tells the viewer something of Kale's personality and view of things. A turned back resembles that perhaps Kale is somewhat isolated from the world, or has a dark secret that separates him from everyone else.

The strange black swirls suggest a dark past or something demonic about Kale.


All in all, this is a wonderful piece, thanks for sharing it!

~Brendan
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