I haven't seen "The Last Song", but I'll just speak about the poem in general. Maybe I'm having a slow day but I had to read this a couple of times for it to really click. I wondered at first if, beyond the refrains, you were being repetitive by just finding different ways for the speaker to say they block pain, as opposed to contributing more about how that guarded nature plays out. But I realized it was different, i.e. blocking pain to not feel hurt; avoiding love to stop the broken heart; pushing someone else away to avoid hurting them. They are distinct, albeit reading it at first with the refrains made me believe it was redundant.
I noticed and liked the "I" and then "So" and the "That's what I do" refrain structure. Since the structure changed at the end into "I" and "Because", I thought there might be an epiphany or a change of heart with the guarded persona complemented by the shift in structure. But instead of that change I see a change from reflecting on the self being guarded and avoiding hurt to the persona expressing concern about hurting others. So that's a nice little interesting turn complemented by the shift.
Speechless. No, seriously. Speechless. Where to even begin? The dialogue superbly reflects Suffer's personality. It was precise, direct, even witty. Gave me goosebumps, to be honest. I do indeed love the fact that the slave is Spanish. I think the blend of Spanish and English adds a hint of romanticism amidst the sadistic nature of the piece. I was going to give this a four because I think my heart felt for the child he murdered. I think you always hope in a protagonist that there's a bit of a saving grace, some ounce of kindness. Not sure if Suffer has any, hence the name, but I don't think a point should be lost because a few actions of the protagonist don't necessarily suit my liking. And the end, wow, graphic and violent. Not for the faint-hearted. I've read stories with risque, violent "relations" before, but this one takes the cake. It'll turn off some female readers, so if you want to incorporate more of their views, you could tone it down a bit. Your choice. All in all, nice story. A little creepy towards the end, but I guess that's why he's called "Suffer". I hope to read more work from you.
Simple, sweet, and a comfort to read. It has a musical flow to it that makes it nice. Though of course not all poets find it mandatory to stick to a set rhyming scheme or a style of stanza formation, you found one and were consistent with it. And it worked. Good work.
I really enjoyed reading your poem. Firstly, the stanza organization and the rhyming scheme was so musically pleasant to read. Secondly, I like the manner in which you describe the emotions. Thirdly, you seem to have put punctuation in their corect places, making the poem even more delightful to read. Honestly speaking, I really can't offer up any advice as to how you could improve on this one. Me personally, I wouldn't change anything.
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