Well this is just great, the poem I mean not this experiance you talk about. The ryhme scheme is a AABBCCDDEE format and the meter and flow of the poem is just great. I would say the experiance you are talking about is to do with love because of the line "A heart appears pointless to try healing" and I would say it is also about sex because of this line "You let me know I’d have no more innocence left If I cheated on deceit but really you were the theft" but anything more than that I don't know. Good Poem
This was just great and fully deserves to win the Prodigy: Youth Writers' Competition . The ABCB format is used very well here with the rhyme fitting nicely. Also the flow of the poem is very good it is almost like a song how good it flows. The grammar is perfect as far as I can see. Bravo
Wow for a first try at poetry this is great. It is about the writer's broken heart and how they feel and why they must move on. The piece is very dark and self centered which shows thier depression after love. I has an ABCB rhyme scheme which in most places works well butcould be tightened up in stanza 1 and 2, I didn't notice that this had a ryhme scheme because of the first two stanzas until near the end. The piece flows very well and has a good meter. The grammar is perfect as far as I can see with good use of commas at the end of lines to break up the flow. I don't however think that this should be an ASR piece as I cannot see any problems with it being E, however that is just must opinion. Congratulations on a very good first try at poetry, you have an undeniable talent for it.
Wow this is wierd I live in england and felt the exact same thing as in this poem while I was walking to school. I loved the last stanza, that is what made me bump it up to a five star rating. Well done on a fantastic poem but one wording mistake I found, I think it's a mistake anyway is in this line in stanza one "I lift up mine eyes, like in my favourite psalm." I my be wrong but shouldn't it be my eyes?
I saw that it was the same person from the first paragraph, I don't know but I think that somebody would be found out if they were talking to themselves but saying that they probably would be caught on drugs. At the start the person's full name is not needed and I think and this is just my opinion no drug taking party anima lcalled steven would have themselves called steven.
This peace is rather average I can see it is to express your feeling but I think any child of 15 can tell if somebody is on steroids if they pay close attention to them like an idol. Also what are you complaining about it's not that bad Dock Ellis throw a no-hitter while high on LSD. By the this piece is riddled with errors and so is the title.
I liked this poem, it wasn't like most other spiritual poems where nothing is really said except God is good as I hate those this actaully had some meaning behind it. It shows that the writer is down and feels lost and I liked the repeatition of the words "guidance" and "me" this made it feel mroe personal.
I liked the flow of this poem, it had so much emotion in it, that was great. I loved the metaphors you used for anger. One thing that I didn't understand was the numerous ... after the lines I'm sorry I just didn't get the point of them. If it is to make a pause between lines then some lines need revising as they are too weak to stand on there own such as "Anger drains my soul.. While trying to control my thoughts..." These lines stand out from the poem for there weakness within the rest. I suggest you revise these.
The last stanza saves this from terrible dullness, it was the only thing I like about this poem. There isn't any ryhme until the end and personally that is something a poem really needs unless it is a grand wordy style that old poets used. There isn't a constant structure to the poem and the flow isn't that good either. However the idea behind it is good and the emotions you put across are good, with some work this could be good. I wrote a few poems with simliar themes to this why don't you check them out and tell me what you think of them. The names are Hollowness and Ode to a Meaningless Life
I hope you take this lightly but I really didn't like this, there is no visible structure, no ryhme and no sense of rythm or flow. And it is over before it began as it is far too short. How long does it take to make a decent lenght poem? five minutes? I'm sorry if you think I'm too harsh a critic butthis is what I feel about it after reading it three times.
Your right this is cynical releasing animals just for self preservation thats.... probably the best reason. I can relate to Dr. Zinman quite abit as I too laugh at most liberal animal rights arguements. Besides that this is a great piece is captures a mindset perfectly.
Wow, I didn't think that anybody on here could actually pull off an AAAA rhyme pattern. You did it and brilliantly I must say I loved this poem the rythm was jsut brilliant and the rhyme goes without saying. Besides that I loved the way the sorry of love is lost
I actually quite liked this poem. I was abit sceptical as it was about colours and expected something a child would write but this was really good. I liked the way colour is tied to emtion, abit cliche but the way you did it was brilliant and I especially loved the fourth stanza.
This poem is really good and quite spookey at the same time. You gave across the image of dying very well and i think not literally ever saying im dying gave the poem a more touching feel. My only problem and it is a slight problem is that the 2nd stanza doesnt start on slender darkness like the others i think that this repeation would be really effective if you pulled it off.
I quite liked this poem, i liked the message it conveyed across and thought that you did that very well. There is no grammar in this and instead of that being a bad thing it makes it good this leaves the poem more spaced out and making each line more powerful.
This abab style of poetry in my opinion is the best type of poetry and you pulled it off very well. I loved the constant tempo in which you wrote this with every line totally fitting. My only problem is the last stanza, i might just be me but i don't think it fits well in with the rest.
This poem is absolutely brilliant. It is very powerful and makes me think and mourn for anybody that has died in war just by reading it. I also like the way that you show peoples deaths as true loses and the set out of the poem makes it more powerful as each line has more meaning
This poem is very different in it stucture to the norm but it pulls it off with flying colours. This way makes every word and phrase far more powerful on its own. My only problem with it is that some of the words don't string together coherently but the rest makes up for that.
This is a very good poem for its structure and use of punctuation to change tempo. My only annoyance is the feeling that the poem is abit wanting in the words it uses. I'm not quite sure "viley" is a word but I'll let you off however if it was a word it will have another "l" in it.
This is great, it encompasses the whole idea of night itself. Personification of night is abit cliche but what isn't these days and you do it in a very good way. Just one point about it however is that the lines need some form of punctuation at the end either a comma or full stop.
It was ok but I am going to have to us a quote from the witing "what's your point?" an ex crackhead told you about how he stopped doing blow so how will this help you? how will this help anybody? unless of course they are drug addicts aspiring to be an inspirational writer. In fact this is the right place for that im sorry for being so harsh
I loved this. It was amazing the way the sentance structure changes to fit the tempo at the end. The description is brilliant it gives me the full picture of what it is happening and what is going through her mind. This is one of the best things i have ever read
I thought that this was great, l loved the report-style way in which the history was played out. The world is set up in a way which it doesn't become a boring list and it keeps a fast pace that held my attention fully throughout. I will definatly be reading the rest of this story
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bluemooner1
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 11:22am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
