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Review of One dark night  Open in new Window.
Review by CJax Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
Your short story has an awesome concept. I love the description you put into showing us the path and the personification you used for the trees was a nice touch as well. It really made me envision the path they were about to take.
Something I would suggest is to make sure to read over carefully before putting it up to be critiqued.
",so enough pale light from the full moon". This sentence started off alright but the small portion I copied here just didn't sound right.
You can try something like.... "The trees had already lost some of their leaves, not much, just enough for...." or something along that line.

Another thing I wanted to tell you is to make sure you are clearly showing who is speaking which line. I was confused and had to re-read in some places to find out if "I" was speaking, or "he". You could always give them name to make it easier. Ex. "Nice try, [insert name]"

One more thing....Sometimes, less is more. In your sentence ""Let's get going or we shall be late." Shall, isn't the appropriate word unless they are actually expecting to be late. The word "will" would fit better, in this instance.
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