I am roaring with laughter. This was absolutely hilarous. And as being a publicist is my actual job, I find it even more funny. Oh the many meanings behind commonly used words. I definitely enojoyed your story and look forward to reading more of your work. Keep it up!
Kissing cousins. That is a great story about the taboo of falling for a family member. Have you thought of using an alternative ending where as adults they did get together? I know it sounds kind of gross, but would also make for an interesting ready. Great work. Keep on writing.
Very interesting piece. When I read this piece I thought of someone sitting in a room with just the moon as illumination rocking back and forth with a razor blade. Taunting himself/herself (maybe a person who is a cutter) wanting to slit his/her wrists but not having the courage to actually go through with it. Very powerful piece. I look forward to reading more of your work.
The reader is instantly brought into the story by feeling the anger and confusion of the main character. I liked how you used the video game as a metaphor for Jim's life. The young price was ousted from the kingdom. Directed by the queen to go out and seek his fortune. Not on his own terms but on the terms of that of the queen and her new king. Powerful.
I think this is a great start. I think that there is room for expansion of the relationship between Tim and Richie and of course between Tim and himself. What happened when he went out to play in the snow? Why did his mom make a point of saying only sissies stay home with their mommies? Did his father turn out to be gay (I know that is a stretch) or another close male family member? When did he notice his possible alternative sexuality? I really think their is a lot of potential for an amazing story here. Continued success.
I like how you gave the point of view of both the father and son. Same story but the vantage points are so different. You feel for both characters...a son who wants the type of Dad you see on tv or in the movies. A father who wants to provide for his family have their respect. In the end, they are both wishing and hoping for the same thing...the love of the other. It would be interesting to see what would happen when Nate had his own son and how things would love from his point of view as an adult man (maybe he inherits his Dad's business) and finds himself in a similar circumstance.
Wow! This is a powerful piece. You can feel Lisa's emotion jump off the page at you. It's utterly amazing. The prose gives you the morbid picture of what she felt as her captor raped and beat her. Your writing evokes a strong emotional response from the reader toward Lisa and her captor. Can't wait to read more.
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