I really enjoyed reading this, it was well thought out; not a wrong thing with it.
And I am very glad to hear about times like those, and what it was like growing up in them. I really wish I had grown up in those times, but there isn't really anything I can do; is there? =P
I'm glad to see that you are doing amazingly well, I really loved this poem, definitely well worded and rhymed.
I love the whole idea you had, quite original from what I know, this poem makes me a little jealous I didn't think of it myself, haha! Most people don't usually do too well with horror-style poems, but you got it perfect, and that, my friend, is definitely a talent.
My favorite stanza of all was,
"They devour dreams of sadness
with rancid, fetid breath,
and vomit forth their madness
in joyful hymns of death."
Just lovely, I adore this poem; keep up the good work!
Lovely story, I really enjoyed it. That is so great! I just love how you waited, most teens wouldn't and pretty much none will these days.
I really wish my dating stories were as short and prim as yours, or that I had found the man of my dreams...But I have a feeling it's too late and I'll date like a million guys before I find the right one, because that is just the way this generation is. But I'm learning that I don't need to always have a boyfriend, and the ones I have picked in the past sure weren't husband material, haha!
Anyway, enjoyed it a lot, I'm very happy for you =)
You did so well with all the emotion, I have never seen someone write an anxiety scene so well as when he was worrying about his wife, I was completely as convinced as he was about something being wrong; and I literally didn't see the ending coming. That is a huge thing for me, because everything is so similar these days and everyone's done pretty much everything over and over again that I can always tell. But that emotion right there is just mind-boggling, haha! I could see it all just like in a movie.
I also love that you did the 'and then they remembered' thing, I LOVE that in books/movies, it's still new. And I really loved it in Secret Window, you did it just as good.
You have some serious talent, keep it up.
Sadly I have no idea for a title though, I don't tend to be good with those.
I love the fact that you worked an affair into the mix for the reason of the horror, things like that are always intriguing to me.
Also, you sure know how to make someone happy that they never had to wear glasses in their life...After reading this, I hope I never do, haha! That is definitely one way to make someone scared of eye-surgery, married or not!
I see that you definitely know your way with horror, choosing something that is already a cringe-worthy thing for most to think about in detail in the first place.
Good job, it's very realistic; I almost stopped reading it like 3 times just to save my minds eye
Wow, I actually never even thought about this before, haha. I don't even know what I use most in my work, but I do know I use more verbs, nouns and such than I used to when I started out.
Very enlightening, if it doesn't change my current work then it will stop me from making these mistakes in the future! Thanks so much!
Did that woman really walk away from you like that? Man, if so, I'd love to meet her; I bet she'd be a very interesting person!
I am fortunate enough to have never known anyone with Alzheimers. But I have thought about it for long periods of time and I can't even begin to imagine how heart-wrenching it would be.
I actually don't like westerns, but I really like this. I think it was a really great idea, as far as I know original too, haha.
But I really love the way you put it, in very few words you made a lot of imagery and a whole story, really.
Love the ending.
But I have a question, where are those lyrics from? Are they yours? Is it a song? I really like them.
Another really original great idea. This poem could appeal to any writer, because writing is all this man lives for.
I love the rhymes, and I love how he made a deal with the Devil so that he will write lifelessly for all eternity....Sorry if this isn't that great of a review, but I have a dog who won't shut up over here and it's kind of messing with my head, lol.
But the haunting and misery of this poem is really great. I love it.
Amazing...First of all, I am most amazed by how you kept it perfectly balanced and kept a perfect flow even though it is so long; I could never be capable of that. Second of all, I usually have a favorite line/stanza or two, but every line of this poem is just as amazing as the last...I have truly never seen a poem like that before. Then third, the dark energy behind the lines, the amazing imagery that no one could avoid seeing...If I was just a little bit more squeamish...I would have been sooo creeped out. You know how to wield words into knives; you know how to make people feel the chill crawling up their spine...You truly are amazing with horror =)
And I absolutely love how it is about Edward Gein, he is one of my most favorite killers; if not my favorite, haha.
Sounds pretty interesting and intense as a story, without the little a-pork-alypse joke type thing in there.
I couldn't take it too seriously if you made it a full story to do with pigs, but as I was reading it; reading about the virus and what it does, I was thinking, "Man, this person actually knows what to do with horror. This is big." Great idea, I think you should write a book on it. Just try to differ from all the other books out there about terrible viruses, somehow, haha.
But you really do have some talent here, thanks for sharing.
Somehow I knew it would end like that, I was thinking, "Come on, don't take her pearls!" Haha.
Pretty awesome story, it was quite interesting. I love big old houses, history, and the darker side of things.
I was hoping she'd get raped, I think it could've used a little more detail on that part, but that's your choice, especially if you don't want to bother victims who might be reading or whatever, but I loved it. Sorry if that was blunt, I just like bad things to happen to the main characters; I don't read happy stories most the time.
There were some parts I thought were a little odd, just a few though. Your way of description is new to me. And these two parts kind of seemed odd for the time,
"The thought occurred to him that he just might see how many times he could turn the crazy bitch's head around before it popped off the stem. " I know they called their female dogs bitches in that time, but something just doesn't fit about that being thought/said in that time to me.
And,
'"Oh, Colin, look...you have lard for brains."'
She could be childish and all, I mean, I'm sure she was since all that happened to her and she was locked away so much and such, but that just seemed....Unfitting for the time and to me, it took away from the seriousness of the scene.
But other than that, I think you did really great and for the most part, I enjoyed the story. Great mystery and imagery.
Pretty interesting.
I really like what you did with the ending, and I always love those mysterious mythical kind of things, plus, ancient times.
But I'm afraid you got one word wrong, I hope you don't mind my noticing. But nowhere does it say that the word 'whence' can be used for/or has ever been used for 'when' http://www.thefreedictionary.com/whence
I really love the note at the front, it's so true; so many people don't want to face the truth...Or face anything less than pleasant...
The way you wrote it really brings it to life to me, the mix of the sadness, the shock, and in the end the broken fearful resignation. It wouldn't have hit as hard if it wasn't in first person, and the way you made David tell it was really great. The psychological changes that are most likely to happen in a situation like that...And in the end how he is so abruptly dumped back into the life he left; no explanation...And he just slowly accepts it with the ending words, "Hi, Mom. I'm home."
Absolutely amazing, I really love this story. I really love most stories of the harder things to accept in reality.
A great poem, so true.
It's amazing what a mother will go through for her children. And I love how it kind of takes the reader into the past, back when it was much harder for women to make a living, especially alone. And yet she struggled through it all; how strong mothers can be.
I really like the ending, how it describes that the factory couldn't last without her, even though the men who worked there shunned her as their leader/boss or one qualified to do the job.
Very beautiful, I've never read anything even similar before, it's so original.
I absolutely love what the butterfly said, it is so true! I've always felt that way. It adds to the delicate beauty that it is a butterfly. It really is a genius poem, one of the sweetest ones I've ever read.
I also love how something else always mourned with the butterfly, like the wind wept for the lonely man.
You are very talented!
BEST ONE I'VE HAD YET!!!
Oh man xD I could die laughing at this one! Look at some of the things I ended up with!
"While the toilet water was brewing, she shuffled to the bathroom to take a shower. She stepped in, momentarily forgetting she hadn't removed her bra. As the water soaked her bra, it clung to her tit like a second cheek."
'Feeling better than she had in ages, Jelly took another sip of her hot, koolaided toilet water and thought to herself; "When my lawyer gets through with him, he won't have a carton to pee in, nor a window to choke it out of!"'
Ammaaazing, lol. This alone could have made my day xD
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