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Review of Planted  Open in new Window.
Review by Cassie Gray Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (2.0)
There really wasn't enough characterization or description here for me to really feel the horror in this piece. My natural tendency was to sympathize with Jane, but from the ending I can tell that's not what you're going for, as she appears to be the killer in the end. If you were to rewrite it, I would suggest using a first person narrative, or maybe a very tight third person from Victor's perspective--it would be very interesting to see how he feels about the whole thing, perhaps seeing Jane as a battered wife, feeling the need to protect her, and then the growing, sickening horror when he finds out that *she* was the cause of all this. Black widows are a great source of horror, especially when told from the perspective of a not-yet-dead lover.

As for your diction, there's quite of bit of room for improvement as well. It seems blunt and disjointed, and you added important details too late in the story--on my first read I was sure Randy called the police to check up on Victor and Jane, so it was rather confusing when he turned out to be dead all along.

Over all, your story has potential, you just need to take time and slow down as you write. Really take time to feel the sunlight in that garden, taste the blood running down those leaves. Love it, give it time to grow. I know it's tempting to push as fast as you can, but quality pieces aren't created that way. Take time when you're writing. Enjoy yourself.
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