I like the concept, but I think it is a little too short. Line three is a little unclear, perhaps "that dissolves into the organic." It flows a little better with your rhythm.
In the second stanza, is the aborted stem the pier? Some added punctuation might clarify that a little bit. Also,for the sake of clarification. The light that causes his shadow to shrink, is it on the pier, or the city? No doubt it can be left ambiguous, but a shrinking shadow means he's headed into the light.
Third stanza, maybe "that grows with the telling." again, a matter of rhythm.
And finally, I absolutly love the final stanza.
all the best,
Alexander Lewis
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