I used to think that the word bi polar was just an excuse for people to justify negative behavior. reading your piece has changed that for me. Although I still feel everyone on planet earth is a little bi polar, based on it's definition. I have never met someone that is able to express it in the way that you did. In order for people like myself to understand the ramifications of being bi polar we need more people like you that can educate us on what it means. Very well spoken and much appreciated.
I enjoyed reading this. you were able to hold my attention till the end... I look forward to reading more. I wanna know about the red people! That being said watch out for the words that end in LY... Some people will say it's a writing no no...thank you for sharing this story...
The beginning sentence has 46 words in it. Maybe set it up less windy.
Up to the kiss the crimson? Might need rewording..
Fives years....
It is a good start I would like more... I would like to continue reading I hope you pursue this story further.
A few things off the top- less is often more in writing. That being said maybe read over the piece and eliminate any unnecessary words... For example- It had happened- could be changed to-It happened so quickly- Only eliminating one word but done through out the piece will eliminate a surprising number of words....Also there are way too many comma's , , , , , , , In some place's it seem's to me you could use a period thus shortening some of the more windy sentences. In addition there are a number of them that can be eliminated all together as they are not needed. The word -HAD- appeared like 26 times. Maybe think of eliminating as many off those as you can. My points are not to be confused with me not liking the piece. I enjoyed reading it. The story kept my attention and I enjoyed it. Thank you for sharing it with us....
Thank you for sharing this, I can see you put good work into creating this piece. One of the things that I noticed- In reading this I found myself a little lost in all of the description. I would have liked to know the character a little more. Overall I enjoyed it and would like to read more..
Well written, easy to read. Would have liked a little more "story", less conversation between characters... That being said, I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing this with us!
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