This is an interesting piece. I can see where the tension should build for the impending war.
That being said, I do have a couple of suggestions.
The dialogue is good, but gets a bit confusing with the two girls: "Ragawe knew that by 'we' she had meant Rantros, but she knew as well as he did where her loyalties lay." Who knew?
Merra Quote "Then why did you choose me only to leave?" Ragawe left Merra's leadership or did Merra leave something?
You know what would really be cool, some good description of the great hall or the dragon troops.
Small spelling and other stuff you'll see when you go over it. Write on, I want to seeeeeeee this unfold.
good luck!
Billyo
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/billyo
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 5:58pm on Nov 27, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
