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Review by lost in thewoods Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Charles all in all The Gunslinger Chinicles is a good tale. It moves quickly. In the second chapter one can sense Charlie's urgency in getting his cohorts from his past to come help.
In my unworthy opinion you may consider bringing in your reader as a witness. I don't wish to rewrite your lines how ever here is an example.
You wrote "By this time Tim had retrieved, and cleaned all of his blades ass well." Consider this: By this time Tim has retrieved and cleaned all of his blades".another example "Charlie was also really looking forward to dinner that night." Consider: Charlie is also really forward to dinner tonight.
Past tense is okay Present tense is better. Let the reader witness your dialog. In a two person conversation just let the reader know who started speaking first.
Keep writing I hope to read much more. Lost in thewoods
P.S. Is Chincles a typo? Dang it!! They want me to rate your work.
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