I enjoyed your short story. I could see it as the beginning of a more intricate piece. You craft a believable brother/sister relationship in a short space of time, the dialogue being light hearted and relaxed.
I found one little spelling mistake, where Mr Jenson says "mines."
Have you read any Iain M Banks? His sci-fi novels are incredibly detailed and very entertaining, I think you would enjoy them :)
Your story took me back to my childhood, and the Goosebumps series of horror fiction I used to read :)
This short story was lots of fun, with some spine tingling thrills and scares as it builds momentum. This genre I believe is always at its strongest when the reader is encouraged to use their own imaginations. A few clues here and there of the characters fate is enough for me. A well paced piece of writing, that grabs and keeps your attention until the end.
I enjoyed this very multi-sensory poem. Cleverly set out, the poem literally rising and falling. Beautifully and sensitively written, in keeping throughout with your theme of rhythm and the primal life of nature.
I could feel the anxiety and tension running through the entirety of the piece. The flow was natural and smooth which is something I look for in poetry!
I thought i would repay your good deed by reviewing something of yours. :D
I honestly got goosebumps reading this, an honest and heartfelt piece of work. I like the idea of writing to the drug and not the person; a clever way of turning the situation on its head. As with all addictions, it is exactly that, the drug itself that we hate, not the person who has lost their way to it.
Well done! I look forward to reading more.
Katie x
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