I'm not usually the kind of person who likes to read in first person (for some reason, it just throws me off the story) but this was pretty good. I like the use of metaphors and similes and the description is quite exciting, painting an interesting picture in your head.
It's a great start, really interesting and amazing description. I'm thankful that you managed to keep it in past tense (some of the stories I've read seem to toss and turn on the idea of keeping to one strict tense; it's a little annoying). Anyway, this is a great start to the story and really interesting, as I've already stated. Good on ya! =D
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