\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bardbear
Review Requests: OFF
11 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Falling  Open in new Window.
Review by Howard Rue Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Dear Paradox,

I just have say, well, I'm impressed. A previous job made me review items beyond the screen, in the real world, so I rarely, if ever ventured out to look at others' works without monetary purpose.

Until today.

And I started here.

What a strong piece you've composed. There's a sense of place and time, there's a stream of consciousness. It's so good, I doubt my critique will help much. But you have something here. It's not story-length material, however, by it's very nature. For one, you start, right from the get-go, with the story and send him on his way, so we can join him on his life-story...downwards. However, two dings appear in your story which remind us of our own realities and pull us away from the overall tale. You used two cliches-and seems like you were aware of them and were tyring to smooth them over. But there is a sense of "his life flashed before his eyes," and, while that may be true, it needs to be a bit less evident. People review their lives, especialy when the end is so right in front of them. That's a given. Watch the parallel form of the mention "like a movie."

The second cliche that becomes readily apparent? "brave-hearted folk dare not tread?" Might wish to hit a theasaurus and bring about another way of looking at something we've seen before and heard before.

Otherwise? Your story is excellent, truly. When time allows, I might drift over and look at some of your other tales.

Keep writing.
1 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bardbear