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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bandgeeky
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13 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Wooden Sphere  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I really like your use of detail in this. It is really good.

I did find a couple of minor mistakes.

This first one isn't really a mistake, but it is something I think would be better written a different way.
You wrote: "I saw and felt this, and at the same time I didn’t, the way a deeply preoccupied man might see and obey traffic signals without really noticing them."
My suggestion: "I saw and felt this, and at the same time I didn’t; the way a deeply preoccupied man might see and obey traffic signals without really noticing them."
Again, I might be wrong on this, and if I am, you can ignore me.

Overall this is an excellent, well-done story. I really liked it, and how vivid the images were that it brought to my mind.
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Review of Not Alone?  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a really cool poem. I like everything about this poem; the shape, the rhythm, everything.

Except...if I am counting correct, your second 10 syllable line is only 9 syllables. That might just be my bad math skills though.
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Review of Home  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very decent poem. It has a good rhythm to it. I'm not too fond of the third verse. Something about the last line seems a bit off, although I can't quite tell what. It just doesn't flow as smoothly as the others.

Other then that, it was a really enjoyable poem that strongly captured the essence I believe you were trying to set forth.
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