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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/assirrax
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Review by Assirra Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I'm... a little confused. Is this to be a summary of a story you plan on writing? it's very quick, very brief, and it's more of a "I'm telling you what is going to happen' thing then it is a story. There's not a lot to roll with here, and more then that, not a lot for me to really get myself attached to. The roles the characters play are also a bit cliche and assume that people will fit into those categories or roles and have no depth outside of that.

This is a good premise to a story, though I think you might want to step away from labeling people in such a quick form. I'd like to see the thought processes behind the actions, get more depth into the characters as to why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.

-Assirra
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