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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ashtree
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2 Public Reviews Given
3 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Ashtree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Can I say, wow!

This piece is almost indescribable. The emotions shown explicitly throughout the story.

One thing that kept annoying me though (I wouldn't worry too much, this is me being a perfectionist) is your ellipses in your story. Sometimes you used three dots (...), and other times you used four. For example:

“Daaaaa… O’ look daddy, look….”

And also - I don't know whether 'Daddy' is supposed to have a capital or not, you know, because it is the title of a person.

Let me know what you think!
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Review of Rendezvous  Open in new Window.
Review by Ashtree Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very nice. Excellent punctuation and spelling.
A piece based on a true events, perhaps?

Excellent use of morbid metaphors, and the bold word emphasis.

The persona is trapped within his own thoughts and memories of a girl that rejected him, but he can't seem to let go... Anyway, that's just my own interpretation of it.
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