This is brilliant! The different ways of interpreting the sparrow are endless and you've used really beautiful imagery. I also like the archaic, old fashioned language you've used
well done! x
Loved the suspense in this! I was getting as impatient as the man on the telly by the end!
I liked the gradual image you built up of the character as a teenager and the whole 'rebellion for rebels sake' thing was clever because it told the reader how cliche the kid had acted. Felt like we might have needed more background within the narration to his childhood etc. just to fill out (in my head anyway) how little he needed to act up like he did and stuff. Doesn't need to be like really detailed, just a little bit extra.
Im a big fan of the whole fantasy, magicky type stuff and I think you did it really well here, without going over the top or being too dramatic.
Only little nitpick is the repetition of 'my teenage self' I understand you have to distinguish between present and past self but try using a variation of this like 'younger' or something. But the fact that the narrator is describing himself in the third person and the t.v. man is directing the reader into the fact that we were watching another 'clip' from his life would probably do the trick anyway
You should be proud of this :D
I loved this :) I'm a bit of a sucker for stories like this and you did manage to get me hooked ! Also I loved the mystery of the opening, the explanation of who he was and how he got be doing undercover after doesn't interfere with this but adds to it
Only little things like punctuation, for example; not breaking up sentences where needed but instead letting it run on. I couldn't see anything major though so your pretty much alright on that front (although I'll confess my grammar and punctuation is poor! :P ) And the opening paragraph, whilst it creates a clear image, feels a bit like a list more than a description- if that makes sense?
Your characters personality is really nicely presented, its easy to understand that he is a very down to earth guy and all that, which is achieved without resorting to bluntnes and is fairly subtle :)
Overall impression:
Wow! If it wasn't fgor the occasional typo's I could actually believe this was something I'd picked up at a book store! The mystery of the place they are in, the angelics, morgen is simply brilliant, I didn't loose interest at all.
Characterisation:
I loved the way you gradually introduced the character of the narrator and information about his history, but also you left the reader to make up some of the details.
I also like the mystery of Morgen, although I think it would be really good if you went into more detail about his manipulation
I did feel that maybe we should have learnt a bit more about Susan's history/ emotions because the fact that she's left a daughter behind on earth doesn't get mentioned apart from at the beggining (but maybe you did that intentionally, to show the isolation of the place they are in- I'm just nosy about all characters so feel free to ignore that!)
Other stuff:
The religous elements are tastefully done and don't stray into the danger of being a bit twee and preachy.
There are a lot of typo's, like the ends of words etc but it doesn't really distract you too much from the story and you'll probably spot them next time you edit :)
Some elements and reasons behind some things could do with more detailed explanations for thicko's like me :P
I'm a bit of an avid reader for this genre of story and you conformed to it very wel
Anyway, I liked it a lot so I did you a lovely big review, well done! :) x
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