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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/annbaine
Review Requests: OFF
4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Ann Baine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BareTree*


Hi, Gumio.

I found "The gap of the elevator doorsOpen in new Window. on the Noticing Newbies page.
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You've done a wonderful job expressing the nuances of love and how it makes one feel and act. Thank you for sharing such an uplifting piece.

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Happy Writing,

Ann Baine Author Icon
2
2
Review by Ann Baine Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BareTree*


Hi, Bruce.

I saw your review request for "The Girl From Mile End. Ch 1.Open in new Window. on the Please Review page. I tend to favor fantasy over historical drama, but I quite like books like Shanghai Girls and The Things We Cannot Say as well, so I thought I'd give it a read.
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*LeafY* Overall Impression *LeafY*
Dialogue is always a good starter. The short exchange at the beginning between Elise and Alice that led to the descriptive paragraph drew me in. That said, as I kept reading, I did begin to feel a bit overwhelmed by the amount of dialogue in the story. It was very back and forth, and I had to reread quite a few parts because I had trouble following who was speaking. It felt sort of monotone. I wasn't able to form much of a connection with any of the characters, which I, personally, would need to want to continue reading the story as a whole.

*LeafG* What I Liked *LeafG*
I liked the way your story flows. Each scene had a day-in-the-life feel to it, which I consider important in historical war dramas.

*Leaf* What I Didn't Like *Leaf*
I didn't like that the story was primarily dialogue dependent.

*LeafBr* My Suggestions *LeafBr*
Try to flesh out the story with more description in-between the dialogue. Whether it's environmental, action, or the lead's thoughts, feelings and observations, I think adding more description would help to keep readers engaged.

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Happy Writing,

Ann Baine Author Icon
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