Hello, my name is Angie. I think it is a very entertaining story. It pulled me in from the beginning and made me want to know more. I would, however, double-check the spelling and maybe the format. For example, the last sentence, "As the time past", it should be "passed". Just a few typos and check the paragraph spacing. Otherwise, I think you have a great story on your hands. Good luck and keep writing.
~Angie
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