This is a really engaging story. First it just about moved me to tears from the truthfulness with which you reported Charlie's emotional responses to his father after his mother's death. This is true to life, I can claim as the mother of five children (one of whom resembles Charlie). I could also really relate to the father's plight, in both his frustration and determination, as he tries to draw his son out into the wilderness, away from the usual battery of electronic time-passers, and interest him in his own passion. This is a daunting task... Finally, the suspense really held me in a spell as the bum appeared and transformed into a black magic man; I felt the father's anguish of possibly losing his son through his mistake (trespassing) as well as observing how the event could actually work to advantage to pull the two closer together. I was wondering all along whether Toby was demonic or a saint in disguise, staging a reconciliation between father and son. But I like the way it turned out. My only question, for which I did not detract half a point, is: What happens with the Law - Charlie's father just killed someone, however despicable, so there would be an aftermath. I guess American readers would just dismiss this little mishap as an heroic act of self-defense with a "he deserved it"/ "he got what was coming to him" attitude - but what would Charlie feel and say? He at first thought the old man to be likable, and was willing to stay with him (granted, to save his dad's life!). Well, I guess the pet raccoon made up for it. At any rate, it's a very short story, and I suppose it's permissible to leave the one question unanswered, for the reader to speculate upon, like I did. Well done! Thanks for a great read!!!
I like it! Truly it gives me a feeling of how everything can go wrong at such a momentous event as a wedding, despite one's best intentions. No master plan, everyone spinning wheels and playing their roles, without knowing what the script is. The final irony is that the "powers that be" - the thunderclouds - over whom we exercise no control, lurking in the background undeniably make their influence known, however subtly, by setting the tone outside and inside ourselves. I like the way you use the color yellow both literally and metaphorically. Thanks for a bright read yielding a cheerful smile... It's good to laugh at human folly even on such a solemn occasion and realize we all just want to have fun. Finally: I think it's well rounded and comes full circle, nothing left dangling; by the end, you managed to tie together all the strands introduced throughout the poem. Cool!
This was a very interesting, informative and engaging story. You included both known facts and your personal experience with this very rare syndrome; the contrast between the two is facinating. Your courage and charm shine through; all the while reading the first part, one is encouraged to read on knowing that you have recovered enough to tell your tale! Thus it is very inspirational and uplifting, and gives the reader insight into what it is like to be completely disabled and near death, and make a comeback through patience and hard work. It's a nightmare from which you seem to have almost fully recovered, and it appears that writing the details of your experience have formed an integral part of the process of healing. Others would want to follow your example and never lose hope. What I like best about it is your spirit shining through. I think it's great you have a long, detailed version, but would suggest you make a condensed version weaaving together the very best parts, in a well rounded balance, for the hurried reader to get the gist quickly. Then you could direct them to the longer version once they get hooked or if they have a special interest in the subject. Thank you for your diligent work and for sharing your story.
Thanks for sharing your personal story. By getting it out online where it can reach a broader audience, esp. those young girls who might themselves become victims of unsolicited sexual advances and pressure, or women who have experienced it themselves and perhaps repressed it or buried it along with unjustified shame, you give us all courage needed to concertedly overcome the requested precedent of sealing our lips and not voicing our feelings and opinions. Thus you generate some good fruit from a rotten experience and help others arm themselves with a plan of action in advance of the chance encounter that can surprise us out of the blue when we least expect it – such as when feeling safe with a trusted mature adult we rely upon to guide us. It comes as such a shock when our trust is betrayed, which has repercussions far beyond the immediate experience, in this case “only touching,” because it puts us in a state of constant red alert and we unfortunately become defensive, or turn our disgust & horror inward towards ourselves in the form of self-loathing.
It’s also important that the “Mr. Robinson’s” amongst your readership get a clear message that their self indulgent behavior is not acceptable and why -- even if, to their minds, they are just trying (unfortunately repeatedly) to see how much they can get away with – like shoplifting, only worse, cuz in this case it’s innocence that is taken without it being given. You shared your first hand feelings candidly and compellingly and leave us in no doubt as to the proper moral code of conduct and appropriate reaction when it is violated. Adults who overstep boundaries of good conduct have to be caught “red-handed” and stopped …In retrospect I notice that you even included a kind word of recognition and appreciation for the majority of brothers and fathers who DO stay within the established boundaries of appropriate conduct with their sisters & daughters (and students), and this functions as a higher standard or attainable ideal for the minority of Mr. Robinsons who wish to repent and win respectability like them, to strive for. Well-done!
Thank you for your noble-minded guidance; I would urge my daughters (and sons!) to read your essay. Stylistically, it’s appropriately written for 13+: succinct paragraphs, punchy points, no words wasted, it conveys a consistent point of view, and every action and image moves the story forward towards its proactive conclusion and leaves us uplifted with a feeling of hope: “Once you can let it go or forgive, you regain strength.” Well-crafted, Kathie. Thank you for sharing.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/amellifluous
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 6:43am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
