This is really beautiful! I love the idea of writing from a different point of view, because it creates a whole new way of expressing what you want to feel.
Because you already feel a certain way, it's easy to give that feeling by writing it. It's just interesting the way that you potray it through another person's eyes, especially when you have had no experiance feeling this way.
I love it, well done :)
I love this, because some of my friends are ex anorexics, and so I completely understand the mentality of fear that they will either regress, or gain weight again.
I love the thought processes that your main character goes through to understand that he loves her, and the subtle influence of denying society's pressure in loving someone.
Well done, this is great :)
I love this!!
I love the experiance in it, the pain, the hurt. It's really well done.
As someone who's favourite way of breaking up sentences or phrases is '...", I love your poem because of the use of them!
The repeated verse gives it an almost songlike quality, and the fact that the last verse doesn't have 4 lines works really well to counteract the way that the verse is repeated.
I like that it's not all rhyming, because it adds a different texture to the words, and a different flavour and style.
Well done :)
This is pretty good. I like how you have turned your annoyance into a story, and I understand completely what you mean.
I think the detail given was really good, but the dialogue was really confusing because it wasn't set it in a clear way, and i couldn't follow it properly.
I think the onomatapaia (however you spell it sorry) words (Pop, smash) should have an exclamation mark with them.. to make them stand out more.
This is all my own opinion, it's your story at the end of the day, so what ever I say, take it on or not.. you be the judge :)
This is pretty darn good for a first attempt!
I think the repetition of the first few words isn't working "so... and... and so..."
There needs to be a variation in it, and something different from the beginning of the last sentence.
In poetry, the first and last word are the most important, not just whether it rhymes.
Well done, keep writing, this will be really good!
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