Things escalated rather quickly there at the end. I wonder what happens next? It looks like it could be a great read. Couple of errors here and there. I think I spotted two but it could turn out to be just one. I'll have to buy your book one day and give it a read.
This review is covering the first two chapters. I like the story so far. It has been awhile since I've read one like this, and I got to say, it's quite refreshing. But there are a lot of grammatical errors that I've noticed so far. The bulk of these errors lies within your punctuation. You have places where commas should be and commas where periods should go. A lot of run-ons encountered due to comma shortages and misplacements. Some paragraphs are hard to follow because of this. I'm not sure when but I will come back and finish reading your story so I can give you feedback on the other chapters as well. Thanks for sharing.
Has there ever been a child more problematic than Julie? There's probably a gazillion and one choices, which are better... I mean worse, when it comes to a 'problem child'; but come on, this kid has no sense of fear. That's most likely due to the fact that she was "invincible", at least in her eyes. His heart was in the right place but that was a stupid wish. If you take away pain, then how is a kid supposed to grow and reflect on those experiences to better prepare themselves in future situations. And the parents... those were some bad parents. Julie must have some kind of teleportation ability because she was always disappearing in a split-second while somehow crossing some sizable distances. That or the parents were just that awful at being responsible.
All in all, I enjoyed the story. But it could do without all the spaces.
Hello Sara King, I'm really enjoying your story so far. I'm already a fan of Athenais and I pity her for the plight inflicted upon her by the crummy father. I doubt she'd want pity from anyone but you can't stop what you feel, right? A lot of information thrown the reader's way and a bunch of names to remember in these first two chapters, but I love it. Immersing myself in a story is always refreshing. I'll have to continue reading after I get some sleep but I'll be anticipating the next chapter. Thanks for the story.
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