Your character was well developed and described throughout your poem and to the climax.
The rhyming was most excellent.
I only questioned whether you were missing a question mark after several sentences throughout your poem, particularly: 'Or does he just stay cast in a darkly, villainous part.'.
Otherwise, I enjoyed your representation of Death as you see him, the ever-present villain of life, the anti-life, the one who sulks in the dark.
I liked your introductory opening. It’s one that will surely connect with many kindred spirits.
The flow, pace, and cadence from start to finish was impeccable, as well.
I did find a spot that had me a bit confused, though. That spot was in paragraph five and line three, where I read “. . . laugh maniacal.” It didn't seem right unless you can justify that. I wondered if you rightly meant to write that in reverse with the adjective before the noun, as it should be. Aside from that, I saw nothing else.
What I did see was a very, very enjoyable short story, almost likened to a free verse poem that I enjoyed reading.
A nice intro, Lisa, and a finer path to the end of your tale.
I like animal stories, excellent characters for the right stories. I've written some, as well. They are great for kids, especially if it has a moral.
Here you have a classical moral for kids, for those who seek unwise adventures without Mom's permission, and deserving a good spanking, if the scare hasn't been punishment enough.
Lis, I do believe I noticed a few punctuations missing, here and there: one prior to a conjunction and one after a preposition. Sorry, and a period that should have been a comma, I noted.
More importantly, I liked the flow of your tale
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