I think you have a fun idea for a story here and you have a hint of humor in your approach. It flows well, captivates the reader and left me wishing there were more. I think there are some minor sentence problems. I think they might have occurred in your final revision, as these things happen. For example, in your first sentence you have used "sit" rather than "sat". Somewhere else I noticed a run on sentence, just minor mistakes like that. Sometimes reading from the bottom of the piece one sentence at a time will help you find these things. Otherwise, the essentials for a good story are all there and you should find the rest of the story before bogging down in the small details I consider to be just spit and polish.
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