I think you have a fun idea for a story here and you have a hint of humor in your approach. It flows well, captivates the reader and left me wishing there were more. I think there are some minor sentence problems. I think they might have occurred in your final revision, as these things happen. For example, in your first sentence you have used "sit" rather than "sat". Somewhere else I noticed a run on sentence, just minor mistakes like that. Sometimes reading from the bottom of the piece one sentence at a time will help you find these things. Otherwise, the essentials for a good story are all there and you should find the rest of the story before bogging down in the small details I consider to be just spit and polish.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/adewey
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 2:16am on Oct 05, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
