There is not enough "umph" in the poem. Not enough emotional power. More rivetting visuals would help display the emotion behind the poem while capturing the attention of the reader. A use of more interesting words would also help better display the emotion behind the poem.
This could be interesting, but as it stands it is little more than a chore to read. Your descriptions of the action and characters are bland and there is little to no characterization. Now when I say it is a chore to read, I mean the formatting is terrible. There are random symbols throughout the story and everything is so scrunched together that it leaves the reader with a rather nasty headache. I would really consider going back and reformatting this so it is simpler to understand. This could be interesting, it just needs a lot of work right now.
While this has potential to be something either interesting or funny, it currently just sits as boring as this particular Tuesday. Nothing much happens. There is very little action and the message is not all that deep or interesting. If writing for a dog, I personally suggest a more comedic approach. That, or rework it so it has a more interesting message.
While the message is very good, this suffers from something a lot of flash fiction suffers from, lack of substance. Characters are introduced but due to the word restraint are never really developed. They remain blank slates on a page only used to serve whatever purpose you have for them. The message is great, but this is something that probably should not have been flash fiction. There is nothing I noticed mechanically bad with the writing, but it was a tad on the bland side. I truly feel this could be something good if it was just fleshed out more.
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