\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/76trombones
Review Requests: OFF
22 Public Reviews Given
33 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Missing you  Open in new Window.
Review by Basil Shae Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I'm afraid of being to harsh, as this is a topic very very personal, but...
The feeling is there. I find myself sympathizing and trying to come to grips with the emotion myself, but I worry about the rhyme scheme. I understand that we like poetry that rhymes, but here it seems forced. Try experimenting with other words and phrases, maybe you'll find something that rings more true to you and to the reader.

Thanks for putting yourself out there,
Basil
2
2
Review of Look at Him Stand  Open in new Window.
Review by Basil Shae Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I enjoyed the repetition of "Look at" at the beginning of each stanza. This said, however, I believe more time could be spent on the rest of the piece. The content I believe is there, but what of the rhymes? Falling in love is simple and pure and can be said with all these words, but what sets this piece apart from the rest? What I've found here is a story I already know- I want to see something unique. Find some interesting quirk in this love- something that is still true to the intent, but wonderfully new. Regardless, the images in the piece are beautiful.

Don't be afraid to take some risks!!
~Basil
3
3
Review by Basil Shae Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Oof. What a sucky time. I love that you were willing to write about such a personal topic. The use of "me" and "my" really help to draw the reader into the story that you tell. And I like that! I would, however, evaluate some of the rhymes to attempt to find something more meaningful and flowy. Many of the rhymes hold by themselves, but... it is a personal pet peeve when we try to rhyme one word with the same word (me and me in stanza 1).

Altogether nice job!
Basil Shae
4
4
Review by Basil Shae Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow. This is powerful. I really enjoy how emotive the piece is without becoming overwhelmingly melodramatic. Fantastic choice in diction and great flow. The only suggestion I might have is to go back and find where punctuation might be fitting. I find this can help a poems meaning to come out more strongly.

Kudos!
Basil Shae
5
5
Review of Around You  Open in new Window.
Review by Basil Shae Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Cool poem! I really like the subject matter. Looking for other ideas? What about when you're around people who don't make you feel special. It might be interesting to create an antithesis kind of poem...

Just a suggestion, and nice job!
Basil Shae
6
6
Review of Ocean  Open in new Window.
Review by Basil Shae Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like the imagery in this poem a lot, as well as the virulent nature of the water. The only thing I could suggest is to do some minor spell check... I'm not sure, but I think "cap sided" is supposed to be capsized.

Nice job!
Basil Shae
6 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/76trombones