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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/123fizzi
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Public Reviews
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Review by 123fizzi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is lovely. I really like the content of this poem and the meaning. It's interesting and I guess it's inspirational. It also makes a fun read. :)
Your choice of words is fantastic. Congratulations for being my first rating with more than a 4.0. Your poem is sort of straight to the point, which is good (for this poem, anyway) and nice.

The only thing is, you go on and off. Sometimes you rhyme, then you suddenly lose the rhyme scheme. It's really complicated. It's prefectly fine when you don't rhyme, I myself prefer not writing rhyming poems since they limit your vocab, but having your poem rhyme and stick to a rhythm makes for quite a soothing read too. I guess you could leave it as it is, but it feels kind of messy, if you know what I mean. Netherless it's a good poem and I like it.

Keep writing! :)
-123fizzi
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Review of Have You Ever?  Open in new Window.
Review by 123fizzi Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello :)

I like this poem. Albeit a little short, it is quite lovely. It just kind of speaks to you, if you know what I mean. The only thing is, I don't really like the last line much. I'm not really sure why. Maybe you should have written a very impactful "Have you ever" instead of trailing it off, so it leaves a mark in the reader's mind.

However, the rhyme scheme is slightly odd. It rhymes beautifully, but the rhythm is a bit off at first. Why not just change all the second lines to 7 syllables, since most of your lines are in 6 syllables? If you don't, it sounds a little awkward, and the reader has to do this thing where you add in more sounds to the words to make it sound like 6 syllables.
Example:
I'd change:
'Have you ever stopped
to watch the sky?'
to:
'Have you ever stopped
to look up at the sky?'

Well, overall, I think it's not bad a job. Keep writing! :)

-123fizzi
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