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Can't I please just read a sci-fi short story that's NOT niche fetish porn?
Today I found out that the director of Beasts of the Southern Wild is my age. I had always held out this fantasy of being the first relevant director of my generation. This was, of course, pure vanity, and I'm not that upset that it didn't turn out that way. But I do wish I could have at least been part of the competition. That he has a feature film, nominated for several Academy Awards, and I am struggling through a Computer Programming certificate at a community college...
...to acquire marketable skills for a day job so that I can pay the bills and maybe, someday, hopefully, in my spare time, if I HAVE spare time, make films...it only serves to remind me of my general failure in my aspirations. He's a symbol of how far I haven't come, and how unlikely it's beginning to look that I ever will. I've always said, I'm going to make movies, and die trying. Now I'm starting to think I'm going to die saying "one of these days"...but I have this stupid optimism that...
...won't let me just accept it and move on, start practicing my story about how film was the one that got away, the girl that broke my heart. I can't stop trying to chase that light at the end of the tunnel. But the more I push on, the dimmer the light gets. Maybe it was never there. Maybe it was just an optical illusion. Whatever it once was, it hardly seems to matter now. It's fading, and I'm getting tired. It's getting dark. Too dark to see.
Eat right, exercise, take care of your body, don't smoke, drink, or do drugs, don't take stupid, unnecessary risks...s***, anybody can stay alive doing that. Where's the skill? Where's the challenge? Most importantly, where's the fun? My motto is, you can never have too much of a bad thing.
"I look like I'm about to impart some words of wisdom. Knowing me, they'd be something about the virtues of waking up in a bathtub in a pair of ragged boxers after a night of drunken hate-sex. And how to achieve said drunken hate-sex while suffering from a wicked case of whiskey dick."
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