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| There is always a part of your life when you will ask yourself a question.. "Does everything seems to matter?" or "Did I do well?" or "Am I really happy?" I am just lost in all these questions, and right now, I feel like I am drained, like totally drained. I wanna make something, but my mind is closing the doors of all my thoughts and inspiration. It's like telling me that I've had enough, and I should never do something creative again. So, this is the reason why I am typing this long message right now, because I want to say what I am currently experiencing at this very moment. I am scared of showing this side of me, but I think I've really had enough of it. There are really good people who gives me advices and tries to understand all the hardship that I am currently going through in various situations. But there will be time where they needs sometime for themselves too, and you cannot rely on it. They are also human who needs attention from the other people whom they cared about. I thought I was bulletproof and painless being, I thought humans can easily be forgotten, but I was wrong. There are people who gave a lot of meaning into my life, and right now, all I've made with my creativity, were my message to them. I feel caged in a wall, and the walls are starting to come closer and closer to me. Ashamed with who I am right now. Uncompetitive, vain, failure and pointless life. I hope sleep makes me feel alright, if it is, I hope I can always feel asleep while living, so that I can do more things and cherish all the moments that I have here. Anyways, I am drained, I think I'll just crash into the bed. Good night. |
| So what is this post about? Nothing special. I just wanted to share my thoughts and experiences in this new chapter of my life. Arc (Musical Director, Composer, Producer; Managed by Xeno) is a very amazing character that I have managed ever since. The boldness in every experimentations and utilizes all the things that it has for the meanwhile, that is who this character is. Being burned out or having a writer's block is something that made me decide to have a slow, and careful pace in this journey. Releasing songs for a long period of time to check if everything is doing good, and thinking of what would the listeners and clients would feel is what scares me the most, but Arc isn't. It just continuously bursts out the idea, let the Producers on Amino tell their opinions and soak it in for the greater quality. But greater quality also means, greater investment. And for a starting Producer like me, I can only Produce music and try to mix and master it with persistency and luck. I have no equipment for mixing, nor a great devices for recording, but I don't want to stop doing what I wanted to do. Even if I have a half wrecked Laptop that is slow, or a speaker that is cheap, I still wanted to keep pressing on. Going in to the band, "Re:Play". I know that I lack the equipment, but I can still go on when I let my simplicity, persistency and straight-forwardness first. Talking to people who has experiences and knowledge, ask for help and commission under-rated artists to make everything possible. Arc and HoshiSora will be releasing a debut Single covering the song from an Anime called "Mekakucity Actors". Together with Anime Bosco, an Anime Contect Creator for the Lyrics Video, and MJQ-P, a Vocaloid Producer for mixing and mastering the track. The song will be released on my YouTube this coming March 2021, and I hope you can support me in this journey towards success. YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKileKrtp8iPDBcn9vwW02A Thank you for reading this post! Xeno |
| There are things in this world that you thought would be permanent and will stay forever on your side, till death. Even though he left me all alone in this place, in my heart, he is still there, and will always be there. I don't remember him leaving us. All I see is his smiling face that conquers the fears and doubts on our way. |
| She'll continuously make us do what she wants to do, even if it hurts our feelings and persuade that it is for the better of our future. But future doesn't bother me at all. I just do what I want to do in that day, hoping that tomorrow, I can still wake up and do the things that I wanted to do tomorrow. |
| A person who was once a companion has left my side. He was an amazing person. I remember when I was still on my younger years, he will stay up with me until I left all my assignments on the table. I woke up on the bed and I clearly saw him on the table and was sleeping there. All my tasks and assignments are done. |
| For everyone, I have reached the limitations of my Portfolio, but I am so grateful that for a small amount of time, I met great people who also has different perspectives in life. Writing is a big impact in our lives, it allows us to explain the thoughts that roam around our minds and it gives us opportunity to express who we really are. The works I made aren't really that good, but I hope that it gave my readers something to remember always. I'll be back to my usual daily lifestyle, inside the darkness where I always stayed. Feel free to message me here, I'll be reading your messages always and reviews about my works. Thank you everyone for being a part of my journey. It truly is a wonderful ride making poems and stories at the same time. Keep on writing, and never doubt on what your inner self wants to burst out. Until then, see you. Signing out, -Xeno |
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