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Welcome to my blog: I intend to share heartfelt writing about anything that comes to mind. |
 Prompt: When you say you will pray for someone do you follow through? If not why not? Answer: I always try to say a prayer right away so I don't forget to pray for them. If I am able I write it down so I can add it to my prayer journal and continue to pray about it. Jesus is my permanent anchor!   |
Prompt: Do you find it easy or hard to share your faith or beliefs with a stranger? How about an acquaintance, friend, or family member? Why or why not? Answer: I think when we follow the lead of the Holy Spirit, everything is made at least a little easier. That's not saying it is always easy to share your faith especially when you are stepping outside your comfort zone. I think it is easier when the conversation flows easily onto the topic. I am willing to talk with anyone. It is actually easier for me to share with strangers than family members. I feel less scrutinized by strangers. Family members tend to be more judgemental in my case most of the time. |
| 2 years ago today, my dad was buried next to my mom. There were only 4 of us family members at the burial. We were doing a quick burial to keep from having to pay for embalming and storing the body. Some people might find this crude, but we kept him in the shipping box because he was shipped from another state back to Oklahoma. Dad was kind of simple, so he would not have minded. This also saved money to not have to buy a casket. He had always told us to just throw him in a box and throw him in the ground. Now, me with my sense of humor thought it was kind of funny. Mom had died almost 2 years prior, and he was going to be buried next to her. So with him in a shipping container, it was like delivering a package of my dad to my mom. They would have both seen the humor in it, so why not? My cousin, who was their power of attorney, another long story we won't get into right now, was irritated that I found it funny and was throwing a fit about me taking photos of the shipping box. She was complaining and telling me to not put those photos on Facebook. Some one might get offended. Also the day before we buried my dad, my cousin who was like a sister to me had a major heart attack and stroke. Her name was Angela we were 9 month and 12 days apart in age. We were there for each other a lot, especially when family members died. This made my dad’s burial even harder, because I didn't have her to grieve with. In fact, it wasn't even known if she would survive. She did survive for a little while, but died from the complications from it November following. Right before the holidays in 2019, I lost all of my close family members. Of course, this was right before the Covid took over our world and I started experiencing health issues. 2019-2020 rocked my world. It is still rocking I think. I have had a whirlwind of issues and emotions to deal with over the past 5 years. This is a lovely way to head into menopause. Lol Yeah, anyway it is hard to believe it has already been 2 years. Prompt: Do you consider yourself to be more “spiritual” or more “religious”? How are they different? Answer: I like to consider myself more spiritual. Religious to me is more formal and ritualistic. Spiritual is being connected with the spiritual side of things. As Christians and believers in Jesus Christ, we should develop a close relationship with all 3 persons of the Trinity through the Holy Spirit. Christ’s kingdom is spiritual and not of this world. Everything seen is physical and temporary. Everything not seen is spiritual and of a more permanent nature. |
| Personal: The last 3 days have been extremely busy. My roommate's uncle was here from Texas Monday and Tuesday. Wednesday I had another Dr appointment. It was a gynecologist. I ended up being in the office 3 hours. I feel like I was put through the wringer. Maybe I will get some answers finally though. I feel kind of exhausted today, so I am going to rest and write. At least that is my plan. I had to have a full pelvic exam, pap smear, and endometrial biopsy done. Let me tell you that is no fun. I had to do a urine test and bloodwork. The Dr thinks part of my problem at least may be that that my body is trying to go into menopause and my hormones are off-balance. So she did the blood work to check hormone levels to see if her hunch is right. It may take up to 2 weeks to get all the test results back. Hopefully it is good news and nothing too serious that can't be fixed. On top of everything else going on, there is road construction on the highway right next to the apartment complex, and it is loud. I will be glad when they are done with that. I wish construction people had to follow the city noise ordinance too, but apparently they don't. Nothing like hearing the pavement get torn up at 3 and 4 in the morning. 😬 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Prompt for August 24th Prompt: Do you think people in general still value the teachings found in the Bible? Answer: I don't think Biblical principles are valued like they once were. I am not so sure we are not experiencing the great falling away that was supposed to happen in the last days. Bible prophesies seem to be taking place right before our eyes. Prompt for August 25th Prompt: Is it better to pray with your eyes open or closed, and why? Do you have a favorite prayer stance or position? Answer: I don't think it matters one way or the other as long as your heart is right. Most of the time I have my daily prayer time relaxing on my bed. Prompt for August 26th Prompt: What was the spiritual life like of your family while growing up? What would you have liked to have had different about it? Would you keep it the same? Answer: My parents were professing Christians. We went to church every time the door was open. I had a drug problem. My parents drug me to church every time. Anyway, Dad also was a preacher and read a minimum of 3 chapters a night from the Bible to the family. We prayed before every meal and snack. My grandmother even prayed before she took her medicine at night. I went to a private school so I could get a Christian education. Now I wish I could say we had a great family life, but we didn't. I don't like focusing on the negative, but I think this is good for me to write about this and try to put it into perspective. This might be a little long, but I want to be honest with myself about this one. I wish dad would have taught me how to have a personal devotion time daily instead of just reading to me. I wish he would have taught me to fast and seek God for myself instead of acting like his word was God's Word. I wish he would have been more willing to admit when he was wrong instead of pretending to be perfect. I wish he would not have spoke falsely behind the pulpit to see if he could get a rise out of someone to give him feedback. I wish he would have been more honest. I wish he had been more emotionally supportive instead of standoffish. I wish he would have been more tender and caring instead of sharp and talking down to me. I wanted to connect with him emotionally but he had invisible walls up that would keep everyone out. If you wanted a decent conversation with him, talk about food or the Bible. Don't get too personal. Sometimes it drives me crazy when people don't realize this is the kind of relationship we had. They say he was such a sweet man. He might have been on the surface as long as you didn't get too close to him. However, toward me and my mom, he spoke down to us a lot. Women were treated like second-class citizens. We were to be seen and not heard. We were supposed to make him look good. We couldn't make the preacher look bad. My behavior wasn't about me. It was about him. Don't get me wrong. I loved my dad very much. Behind the scenes, he could be very hard though. Mom was an enabler. She put herself down. In her eyes, he could do no wrong. All of their relationship issues were all her fault. People don't know how many times I sat listening to her cry in private. She built him up while a lot of times, he tore her down. She loved him so much, she would give him the closet space while her clothes were in baskets. She worshipped the ground he walked on so to speak. Momma wasn't perfect either. She had an explosive temper. She would take so much and then she would explode into a child-like fit of rage. She would scream and throw things around. She would also give the silent treatment sometimes. I remember one day when I was around 8 years old, mom and dad were arguing. I thought to myself, “I act more grown-up than she is right now.” Mom was nurturing, but she was strange. I am not convinced she didn't have some kind of mental issue. As far as I know, it was never confirmed but doctors had suspected she might be bipolar. She cried a lot and struggled with anxiety and depression. It was kind of like dad was a narcissist and mom was the co-dependant. I did find out after dad died that he had dyslexia. I never knew until my aunt told me at his memorial service. Maybe that explains some of it, but we were dysfunctional and there wasn't any fun in it. Dad was king and we were his subjects. We were supposed to be a Christian family, but the focus was on Dad. I can not say for sure that it was intentionally that way, but it was that way rather it was intentional or not. This created some bitterness and confusion for me. As the only daughter of a preacher in this kind of situation, it was tough. I was the black and white sheep. I think I was viewed more black sheep than white sheep though. I felt like I could never be good enough. I rebelled. Now mom did teach me more than dad did. She taught me how to cook and clean. She showed me how to use Bible study helps to look things up that I wanted to know about the Bible. She taught me how to draw. She is the one I got the most help with my homework from. As I got older, I refused to let dad help me with schoolwork because we would end up fighting over it. However, she enabled dad to abuse me. At times, she would help hold me down while he hit me on my arms, legs, bottom, back, and just where ever he could hit me. Sometimes these beatings would last 30 to 45 minutes. I would often try to hide in my room when I knew dad was in a bad mood. That didn't always work though. He would barg into my room, bang on the door, and tell at me. He would put me down. Sometimes I think he started an argument with me just to have an excuse to hit me. I had no escape. A lot of times, I would read books to go to another time and place far away from there. I huffed whiteout and anything I could get my hands on as a teenager. I didn't want to die but I didn't want to live like that either. I just wanted to escape the emotional pain I was in. I learned to cope by disassociation as well. I would be physically present, but mentally I would go somewhere else while these bad things were happening. I wish life was more like Christ and less a put on show. I think that is why I am so blunt now. I don't like fakeness. I don't like to pretend to be something I am not. |
Prompt: What is your favorite promise listed in the Bible? Why? My favorite promise is that everything works together for good. No matter what happens or that I face in life, it will work out for the greater good. The last verse in Psalms 23 says, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.” How awesome is that? |
Prompt: What is your favorite promise listed in the Bible? Why? My favorite promise is that everything works together for good. No matter what happens or that I face in life, it will work out for the greater good. The last verse in Psalms 23 says, “Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life.” How awesome is that? |
Prompt: Have you ever led anyone to accept Jesus as their Savior? Tell us about it. If you haven't, do you know how to do it? Tell us how. Answer: Yes, I have. I led my cousin to Christ. We were both in the third grade. We were at grandma's house for a holiday break. I had been learning how to share my faith in church. So I shared it with her. I was able to use my Bible and what I had been taught to lead her into the sinner’s prayer. I will never forget it. I have witnessed to others. I want to take others to heaven with me. I don't want to go alone. I pray for opportunities to lead others to him. It is literally by the prompting of the Holy Spirit that I speak to people about Salvation. Sometimes my heart is beating in my throat because I am outside my comfort zone, but I don't want to be the reason someone ends up in Hell. I want to talk to them about having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I tell them how it has changed my life and made a difference. I don't promise a cure-all. I tell them how to develop a relationship with him and not just say this simple prayer. It is so much more than that. The final destination of their soul depends on it. I hope my writing and life lead people to Christ. I hope it helps others build a relationship with him. I want others to experience him like I have. |
Prompt: Do you believe it is right or wrong for a woman to get an abortion? Why or why not? Answer: This can be a tough subject for some. Sometimes it is necessary for us to discuss controversial issues. As Christians we need to learn how to do so while exhibiting and sharing the love of Christ. This is true rather we are discussing abortion, LBGT rights, critical race theory, receiving vaccines, civil rights, etc... Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and as writers, in the power of our pen or keyboard. We must not be careless with our words, but we should also not be afraid to discuss difficult topics. We need to have boldness in Christ, but keep our feelings and attitude in check. Someone’s soul could depend on it. Having said that, I believe abortion is wrong. Two wrongs don't make a right even in the case of a rape. However, this can be a difficult thing to process and to deal with. I will explain my position here as gently as possible. I too have been raped. Being the person I am, I believe I would give the baby up for adoption, but that is me. I understand not everyone will agree with me or react in the same way. That's ok. Let me tell you my reasoning. Before I do, I will also say I have know of a mother who had 3 other kids who had a very legit reason to consider abortion. She was in a position of have this 4th baby and possibly die or abort it and get medical treatment to live. Now if you are a single mother in that position, what is the lesser of the two evils? Life and sin is not always black and white. There are many shades of gray. This is another reason we can not be righteous on our own. We have to be able to follow the Holy Spirit’s guidance as we maintain a close and intimate relationship with God. It is so easy to point our fingers at someone else to shame them. Let me give some Scriptures that helped me to arrive at my conclusion. There is a belief that a fetus isn’t a human or a living soul. First of all, if it wasn't living, why does it have to be killed? Then there is Psalms 139. Psalms 139:13-16 13 For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. 14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. If it is God, and I could give several other Scriptures as examples of this, who is the one that determines life and death and he is the one who forms us in our mother's womb, He has a specific plan and purpose in causing a woman to conceive. None of us happened by a mistake. We may have surprised our parents but we were no surprise to God. When Elizabeth went to greet Mary after she had conceived Jesus, John the Baptist leaped in the womb as a babe. (Luke 1:41-44) Also in the book of Ezekiel, it talks about Israel being cast out like an aborted baby. God saw him in his blood, picked him up, cleaned him off, and gave him every good thing, but Israel had rejected God. I mention this because I think it shows a glimpse at God's heart toward the unborn. I believe it is a life from the moment of conception. What would have happened if Mary decided to abort Jesus because he wasn't a completely formed human baby yet, before Elizabeth met her at about the 3rd month of pregnancy? Was Jesus any less Jesus when he was just a fetus? This is something to think about. Yesterday, I was doing research into the religious objections to receive the vaccine for COVID. I was writing an editorial for my rising star assignment. I discovered something that was disturbing to me. I found out that in the development of the vaccines cells from an aborted baby in the 1970s or 1980s was used in the core component. Wow! I had no idea. I even got the vaccine myself and was all for it. Now I am not sure what to think. On the other hand, We could say God is using the abortion of a child 40 or 50 years ago to save millions of people now through a vaccine. However, is it wrong to benefit from what you believe is a sin? Ouch! Talk about a big shade of gray! Now I have to re-evaluate how I feel about the vaccine. I feel torn because so many lives are now in the balance. I still believe abortion is wrong. This is something I really need to pray about. |
 Prompt: Romans 1:17 What does the Apostle Paul mean by writing “the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith”? I had to do a little research on this one myself. Having just written a Bible study on faith/faithfulness, made this a little easier to understand. You see in Galatians 5 where the fruits of the Spirit are listed, the Greek word is pistis. Interestingly enough, old King James Version translated it faith. New King James Version translated it faithfulness. The Greek word refers to a man who is trustworthy. It can be translated both ways. Assuming it is the same Greak word used here, it would make so much more sense to me. Let me reword the phrase keeping this translation in mind. “The righteousness of God is revealed from God's faithfulness to our faith.” I love it! It is all about our faith in God's faithfulness and God's faithfulness to our faith. God's faithfulness reveals his righteousness. "Fruits of the Spirit - Faith"  Space Blog Today while cruising through the WDC galaxy of cyberspace, I found a planet that left me laughing. In
Graywriter (66) writes about having extremely intelligent conversations...with himself. We all do it! What do you think of talking to yourself? I say you are ok as long as inanimate objects don't talk to you. I talk to myself all the time. I use the excuse that I was an only child. Lol Blog City Prompt: “Visualizing yourself in the future can calm your feelings of anxiety,” says Julian DeMarco, in Understanding Childhood Trauma. Do you agree? Or do you think visualizing the future could make a person even more anxious? That depends on how you visualize yourself in the future. Blogging Circle of friends Day 3199: August 17, 2021 Prompt: I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us. Anne Lamot Write about grace. Grace is receiving what we don't deserve. For example, I don't deserve Salvation through the blood of Christ. However, because I believe in him, I receive Salvation through the Grace of God because I have faith. |
Prompt: Have you ever had a season of doubt or a dark night of the soul? What did that look and feel like? What steps did you take in that season? Answer: We have all experienced darkness in our lives at one time or another, some may be darker than others. It is hard sometimes to pick just one incident. I have personally had more than one dark moment in my life, but thank God he was there for all of them. I have been blessed to have seen angels in my time of need on more than one occasion also. I guess I will share about the time in my life, I began writing dear God letters. I was in my mid twenties. I felt a lot of anger toward God for all the things he had allowed me to go through. I don't know that it was the wisest thing to do at the time, but I began telling God all about it in these letters. Why couldn't I be joyful? Why was my life so miserable? Where were all those promises the Bible talked about? The list went on. I was struggling with depression. It seemed like the world was against me. I was struggling to keep a job. My love life and family life were a complete mess. I was barely paying my bills. I felt so alone. God was always there for me though. He allowed me to throw my tantrums. He even prevented me from committing suicide. I never want to be in that dark place again. I had accepted Jesus as my Savior, but I had not learned how to live for him. It is hard to explain. My parents and I had a rocky relationship. My dad was a preacher. My parents acted like their will was God's will even after I became an adult. If they didn't approve of me or what I was doing, God did not approve either. I could not be good enough and always made the preacher look bad. They made me look bad too. Dad could do no wrong because he was the preacher. I hate that I feel this way toward them. I loved them. They were my parents. They were human and made a lot of mistakes as we all do. I wish I could say I had a better relationship with them, but I did not. It was toxic and complicated. I have made the choice to forgive them, but I struggle to let go of the pain that lingers in my heart. This is something I am currently working on. I will be seeing a counselor in hopes of getting help with this. I still have nightmares from things in my past. I guess that is PTSD for you. You never know when you will experience symptoms. It could be emotional, a flashback, a nightmare, or something else. This isn't something I talk about a lot. The reason I am sharing this is because this is a darkness I currently deal with and these are the steps I am taking. Writing and talking about it helps sometimes because I validate myself and my feelings. Counseling sometimes helps because the counselor can sometimes help you come up with strategies to deal with it all. I pray a lot. God knows my past, present, and future. It is all in his hands. |
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I still don't get Revelations.
May God help you adjust to your new home and heal you and the dog and show you the way forward.
