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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| I haven't posted for a while. The meds dull my brain, and at night, which is the usual time I would write, I struggle to keep my eyes open past 8.00 pm. The pills aren't working as well as I would like and cause side effects I'm finding hard to endure. The hallucinations are still there and last night, they were the worst they have been since I started taking meds. I don't want to go against my doctor's orders, but I'm struggling with anxiety...not from the hallucinations, but from knowing what's coming in the hours after I swallow them. I'll skip them tonight and see how I feel over the coming days. I'm training hard almost every day. Yesterday morning I did half an hour of cardio followed by weights. Then in the afternoon, I walked (wearing a weighted backpack), followed by swimming laps in the pool. I feel good physically, but the foggy brain (from the meds) is a concern. I've been going to church on Sundays, but it isn't doing much as far as the hallucinations are concerned. It's good to get out of the house, but I admit if not for the idea that this could be more than psychosis, I probably wouldn't go. I feel like a fish out of water with the congregation all in rapture. It's just as hard for me to believe in a higher power than it is in demons. I'm trying, but I think it is important to be honest about my lack of faith...and if I don't have faith, then it is hard to imagine a cure through prayer is coming. The most important thing is I am happy and free of addiction...and no matter what happens, that in itself is a win. |
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