Anyone who doesn't subscribe to the Writers' Circle Newsletter, "Invalid Item" , should. Each issue covers a different aspect of writing, each from a different perspective. This issue is interesting with a different topic than any before.
A few minor typos are present, but they do not distract from the editorial and the depth of the subject matter.
An interesting poem, Harry. We all understand exactly what you describe, like Robert and I waited at the emergency room for over four hours last night. We wait, for there is no choice. You visulize the system well.
I think you're missing a word "be" in the following lines: sharing an experience never
to shared again together.
In We all wait to have the medical technologist
call our name to have our lab work done.
Do we all share the same name? Perhaps names should be used.
What an enjoyable poem, Harry. The ending was just perfect. I needed a chuckle to brighten my day.
I really have problems when I read, "It was" or "it whatever" when there is nothing for "it" to refer back to. The town was a small rual town lets the reader know what it is. It was a beautiful day (which wasn't in your poem, I know) can be better written as the day was beautiful. It is a personal pronoun and requires an antecedent.
In a few places the he's and him's became confusing, for example in this line A policeman took him to his house. At first I wondered if the policeman took the drunk to the policeman's house. You might look at these glitches. By re-reading, a person can figure it out.
The picture presented by the words of this slice of life glimpse is vivid and sad. The young woman in the piece would have to be extremely discouraged and depressed to view herself thus.
The one thing that distracted me was her mentioning "all" the things wrong with her, yet only two are really covered at all.
Welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you have found a home for your writing, as many of us have.
The imagery and message of this poem is powerful. I agree that the answer is His care.
I'm one of those people who prefers the use of needed punctuation in poetry. It keeps thoughts and ideas for running together and allows the reader to know which do go together.
I would have like to see more about the lost friendship. You start with good imagery concerning the loss, but then it's as if the loss becomes a side thought. Yes, how you survive the loss is important, but I think you leave that too quickly. Maybe if you don't want to add more, you should change your brief description and title.
Antoher well executed poem, Harry. I believe you found your muse again. The emotion and imagery of your words strike the reader's mind with power and impact.
I only have one suggestion. In the line Doing your duty the day demands, I think their would work better than your. Your breaks the flow by inserting the reader, unless you put that line in " ".
Ahh, Harry, this poem brought a tear to my eye. How well I remember our dog who forced himself to come when I called him; although he had gone off to die. I cried when he begged to go back outside to the peaceful place he had found. We could do nothing less than grant his last request.
This tribute to you friend is filled with the emotion and love felt by both of you.
As I searched for a Christmas poem from a member of each level of membership, I found this after deciding on a different one for the yellow cases. I had to add this, too, to the highlighted items in the December 21 Poetry Newsletter.
The acrostic is full of imagery and is so appropriate.
Ahh, Eliot, another of your vividly painted imagery pictures gives shudders and goosebumps. You know how to grab a reader (or listener) and thrust him/her into your word portraits.
The fact that this poem is one, very long, compound complex sentence hurts, in my opinion, rather than helps the flow and attention level of the reader.
Also, a title above its item does not need to be underlined, or in quotation marks.
I enjoyed the powerful vision and emotions evoked with this poem.
I enjoyed this satire very much. Bit by bit the clues led me to the results revealed in the end, very clever.
I have a few suggestions for improving some of the sentences and punctuation. Rather than using a double quotation mark inside a quotation, a single should be use: 'A' for example.
In Although single minded in his effort, having been programmed to guard, to alarm and on the rare occasion necessary, to attack, he was not limited to mere duties of a Sentry, nor did he really think of himself as just a guard a comma is needed after "alarm" and after "and." I'm not sure but what I would divide that sentence into at least two sentences to avoid confusion.
This story was quite interesting, if a bit different from your usual.
The message in this article is true and presented with power. With polishing and fine tuning, it would be ready to be published.
I'd suggest you not use all capitals even in your title. All caps are the same as yelling.
Please be sure to capitalized correctly in your writing. The pronoun I is always capitalized whether the first word of a sentence or anywhere else within the sentence.
Double spacing between paragraphs makes reading easier. You can double space, indent the first line of each paragraph, or both.
If you know someone who knows grammar well, please have him/her do a complete edit. You have several rather serious glitches that need to be repaired, such as incorrect sentences, verb forms that aren't correct, and some spelling problems.
I hope you can revise and improve this article so that it can be well-written enough to match the message.
I've sent numerous query letters, and I learned as I went. You have written a helpful and knowledgable article. It is filled with the information writers need, yet the material is easily understood and used.
I have no suggestions for improving this. The article is professional and well-written.
Oh, Kenzie, how I understand. I can remember when I could go all day and into the night. I ran after three children, had a huge garden, and helped with the rabbits, chickens, and hogs. I would dress 300 fryers in three days and still provide three meals for the family. Ummm, I think that was me.
I understand the fibro fog and the pain. At least no one says I can still work. I worked for nearly 20 years after my doctor asked me if I was ready to quit. There's nothing left now.
A Haiku supposedly gives a glimpse of nature in those three lines, and yours does. You also work in a constrast between the first and last lines, one that works in imagery and meaning, leaving a beautiful word portait behind.
I have no suggestions for improvement. I like this just the way it is.
Welcome to Writing.Com. I'm glad to see you are having fun.
What a delightful flash-fiction piece. You gave us a complete story in less than 300 words, and the story was interesting.
My suggestion is just that, a suggestion: The very first sentence, your hook, could have been more of a hook. It seemed a bit long and information packed to start.
I really liked this item. I hope to ready more of your work, so hurry and post some more.
This poll is interesting. Some of the results caused me to say, "Huh?" though. If someone doesn't like something or hate it, why stay if he has a choice?
I will probably be here until I'm forced to leave because of the friendships made, the help and encouragement for my writing, and the opportunity to share what I've learned the hard way over the years.
The management of this site is the best to be found, and in so many ways, the most knowledgable.
This article has an interesing amount of information. I've never heard of animals being allowed in the passenger compartment of a plane unless they are assistant dogs, such as guide dogs.
I don't think I'll be transporting animals by plane, though.
You might want to check your spelling, even in your title and brief description: Mans isn't a word while man's means belonging to man; lets is a verb meaning allow while let's means let us. There are other misspelled words.
I would suggest you spell out numbers under 100 unless it's the number of a flight or a date.
Thank you for sharing the information you gathered the hard way, by experiencing them.
I like the message of this poem. You managed to put much into poetic form.
You start with the appearance, the form, of a poem, but then it seemed to change to paragraphic formate. A bit of line revision would fix the problem. Using the following lines as an example, I'll give a suggestion for making them more in poetry format - just a suggestion:
Finally evacuated, the city lies
wounded, empty and flooded.
Its streets are deserted, save for
police, troopers, and soldiers.
The dead are gathered. No time
for mourning. There are levees
to be repaired;
Finally evacuated,
the city lies wounded,
empty, and flooded.
It's streets are deserted,
save for police, troopers, soldiers.
The dead are gathered.
No time for mourning.
There are levees to be repaired;
You manage to put the news into poetic form again.
Welcome to Writing.Com. I hope you find a home for your writing as I have.
Your haiku has the correct syllable count. I like the message it contains, too.
It is always a good idea to check your spelling. Described is the correct spelling.
Using correct spelling and capitalization, even in brief description, is more professional than chat speak. And criticism is the correct spelling of that word.
Please keep using your word craft to share with us.
Interesting message, Harry. I agree that we do not have much control over our lives, really. All we can do is hope that fate will be kind.
You're mixing plurals with singulars: "that their life will follow their carefully made plans."
Unless more than one person is able to share the same life, their lives is correct. I found this at least one other place.
You start in third person (which is good), but then you switch to second person and back to third. I think this would be stronger if you stuck with one or the other.
Your essay is well developed and supported. I'll have to agree with most of what you've written, too. You give a good argument for football taking baseball's place as America's pastime.
I found one or two run-on sentences, but please remember that America's means belonging to America while Americans means more than one American.
The imagery of this poem is delightful. I especially like the play on rains, reins, and reigns. The pictures left in my mind are vivid and sharp because of your word paintings.
The one suggestion I have would be to go ahead and use complete sentences. That would help the flow and the meaning. For example, in the first stanza, if there would be a verb used, the reader could better understand what September rains do. I wonder if you meant for blow to be the verb, but it's not clear whether the rains blow the scents or whether the autumn breezes do.
I really enjoyed your word craft. You know how to use poetic language.
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An interesting poem, Harry. We all understand exactly what you describe, like Robert and I waited at the emergency room for over four hours last night. We wait, for there is no choice. You visulize the system well.
I think you're missing a word "be" in the following lines: 
What an enjoyable poem, Harry. The ending was just perfect. I needed a chuckle to brighten my day.
