An exercise in alliteration! I enjoyed the read, taking it as great fun. (Some might find the alliteration as a tad too much....but phooey on them! LOL)
The opening two stanzas with their 8 lines all "Like" or "Like a" detract from the remainder of this poem. In fact, you could omit these two stanzas entirely and the poem would deliver the same message.
"carvan" = caravan
That[,] your life[,] be happy. [ ] = delete
Yet, throughout [in] my life,
Finally, the punctuation needs some corrections also.
I liked the sound of this poem. It is an enjoyable read. That said, it does seem that some of the wording's main purpose is for the endrhymes rather than to describe autumn to best effect or for clearest meaning.
"...successful authors, those who actually write and finish a novel..." >>>> You are defining success as an author as finishing a novel. Are you saying authors who only write poems or short stories are not successful?? Maybe you should say successful novelists here.
files sent to them on (a) floppy disk.
The last part of the Tools needed section gives advice about how to write rather than the tool needed.
Overall, practical advice that should help a novice novelist get started.
Overall, a very well-told tale. I enjoyed the read.
I have just a few suggestions for you to consider:
born by (C)aesarean section >>>> Capital C since named after Caesar
hired a doula >>>> doula?? Not in my dictionary. Same as midwife??
He helped Andy and (me)[I] make .....>>> He helped me make
decision to go to a (C)aesarean section [operation] >>> redundant to say operation
didn’t do (C)aesareans.
new-father[-]eyes meeting mine.
Where is he(?) [and can] May I get up now(?) [and] (W)ho has him(?) [and] (H)e’s crying(.) [and] I’m crying(.) [and] (T)here are Andy’s eyes again(.) [and] (H)e is holding our son so I can see… >>>>> Too many and's!! The effect is stronger to me by having a series of short sentences instead of one long run-on sentence. Your choice...
Since the poem is initially so structured with four-line sentences, the 6-line sentence near the end was jarring. Plus the rhyme scheme of lines 2 and 4 of each sentence endrhyming in 3 of first 4 sentences was dropped thereafter. I'd suggest some work on the structure to make it as great as the content.
My first review in the WAR group is for you...quite fitting!!
If my life were just the total of my experiences(,) then I am
Even if I believed my palm (I learned a bit about reading palms), I died over thirty years ago >>>> Even if...I died doesn't make sense to me. Maybe 'If I believed' or 'According to my palm'....'I should have died'
go to ball games >>> ballgames
sometimes the intensity increases, but it never leaves. >>> ?? sometimes... decreases, but it never leaves OR sometimes... increases, but it never decreases
This essay is a wonderful affirmation of the pleasure in living life, even under difficult circumstances.
This seems so simple at first glance, yet it captures so much meaning about the older person's not
feeling his age, i.e. the body aging while the mind stays young. I like it!
Well, it sounds very poetic....not sure I understand all the meanings. The structure of the poem caught my eye. Was it deliberately done to have every stanza's second line longer than the others, particularly in the last stanza?
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