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Review Requests: ON
1,251 Public Reviews Given
1,492 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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Review of Baby Race  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Carissa Jean Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A good approach to story with conflict and character who are struggling to make it through while having to face some tough emotions. It was something I could appreciate as a reader even with a bit of a minor technical side that will be discussed later as we all have our own preferences when reading things here on WDC.


Prompt: *CheckG* You chose a different place to use the image of the prompt, near the very end of the story, but it is there. The moment is very short but that's okay because it's hard to gain much beyond that with the static image provided. The good part is mostly the prompts are easy to find when they are images but they aren't always the best for inducing conflict. You managed to come up with your own, which was an interesting approach and part of what makes judging for the contest a fun one because never know what each writer will bring to the table based on the one image as a prompt.


Story Thoughts: Will admit, prompt or not, it's not a story I would have ever thought to come up with. It works and well, just not where my mind would have gone with the prompt. It's an interesting approach and provides conflict, which is appreciated by readers since that does really help for story development.

It reminds me of some episodes and some elements were recognizeable when doing something like the scavenger hunt situation. The bit about the other character and how she brings about those facts at the end, those were good touches that helped show the work put into developing the story line and not just having some characters running around even though they might have felt that way. It's quick paced and had to be for the situation. And while there is room for it to grow outside the contest now that you don't have the word count limit, it also worked within the limited framework provided as an entry of this length.

Final Comments: Nice work, overall, with the writing of this story.

The main technical aspect that I noticed as the reader, based on personal preference, is that the spacing could be worked to make it a little easier to read on the computer. I know not everyone prefers it this way, as I saw a number of entries follow similar formatting, but for me, when reading on WDC, I find it works out better if there is a space between every paragraph. So, it's not incorrect or anything of that nature but for me, the pacing and reading would have been a little easier with that space added.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Good job in creating something based off the prompt for this particular challenge. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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177
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Stowe_Evermore Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: An interesting approach to story based off the given prompt. The character works and I was drawn in while having interest in where the story would lead. You put the girl from the image as the main character, as makes sense given the image, and developed her along with giving some action without it taking too obvious.


Prompt: *CheckG* The prompt was easy enough to see near the beginning of your story. The good part about the image prompts used for this contest is that more often than not, one can tell how the author used the prompt as inspiration. However, depending on the image, it can be difficult to put together conflict but many rise to the occasion. This one uses the prompt well enough and pushes off from there to get into the story that is developed.


Story Thoughts: A good approach given the initial inspiration. The end wasn't quite what I expected and there could be a little more development now that the contest is over so you don't have a word count limit. However, even without much change to the story things work together fairly well. It doesn't feel cut off, which can be a challenge in short fiction. Getting that feeling of a complete story isn't easy but yours does a decent job with how the ending is worked to bring things to a bit of a close. Good approach to both story and character in the limited framework. I enjoyed the result as a reader and judge.


Final Comments: Nice work overall. On the technical side, my only advice would be to maybe do another read through/edit with some attention to how the sentences flow. Might consider reading it out loud to see where some pauses might be needed or a little rewording could help with sentence structure. Here is an example: A paper map the bane of modern existence. I like the sentence but get a big of a stumble between "map" and "the" where something feels off when I'm reading it. Very minor but something to consider and I know for mine, I'm always needing another look through or edit on contest entries as those pesky deadlines catch up to me. Other than that, nothing really stood out nor did you have anything that was problematic for the reader.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. We appreciated every entry. I hope you enjoyed the challenge of the contest and the given prompt. Keep writing.



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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178
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello brom21 Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A nice approach to the challenge of the contest and an interesting story that came out from the spark of the image, taking it beyond the girl looking at a map. I liked the use of character and the conflict that was presented with the gem and what happens throughout the short story.


Prompt: *CheckG* This one works for the given prompt. A good part of the contest is often the prompt is easy enough to find in the entries as the judge, though the image can be difficult to develop into a story that includes conflict, depending on what is provided. For the contest, your entry had obvious inspiration from the prompt image based on the start of the story and the character, which is good enough for the contest entered.


Story Thoughts: The character is an interesting one. I've read so many I can't remember but it seems like the name Clara was used more than once but given the image, it sort of makes sense. She looked like a Clara. The story takes a different approach with the sort of time travel, what about the time line and all of that jazz to the situation, which helps intrigue the reader. I'm sure there are a few who will enjoy the story.

Though I do have to admit that I didn't quite think of gem and talisman as the same thing. Is the gem in the talisman? Is it part of it? Cause I didn't quite get that in the story when I was reading it the different times I looked it over as the judge. Maybe there is a little room to work on that, or maybe reworking the title as while ancient talisman has a nice ring, it might work better with something else.


Final Comments: Overall, nice work with this entry. Couple of minor points on the technical side but in general it is a well written piece with an interesting character developed from the given prompt.

A little bit of an edit could boost this item a little further in standing. There wasn't anything overly glaring but we can often spruce up our items more, especially on the shorter term deadlines like WDC contests, which are weeks or months at the most for creating and fine tuning an item. Just a little check for minor things, tense slips and the such will help. Example: That thought made her relaxed. (made her relax)

There also is a minor question of point of view in the story. We're mostly with Clara but it jumped out from her main focus at least once, when she was getting to the office and we get her referenced as "the anxious woman." Something I noticed at least, though others might not even catch that aspect.

Oh and one final point with editing, more of a questions as I think there might have been a missed word within a sentence. In this part of dialogue from Clara: That gem you found. There is something you do know about it.” Did you mean, "there is something you do not know"? I wondered because he responds about how there are many things they might not know about it and would make a little more sense to me if she was saying they didn't know about the particular detail.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Thank you for taking the time to come up with something based off the prompt that was provided. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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179
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello KnightScribe Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A cute approach to the characters using the image as a set point but not the girl as the main point of view. Bit of a different approach but still one that works in regard to the contest. It does have some good elements between the character and story, which helped create something for a reader to appreciate.


Prompt: *CheckG* An image prompt can be both easy and a challenge. They tend to be easy enough for the reader/judge to find but can be a struggle at times for the writer in order to create conflict depending on the type of image presented. You were able to use the image of the girl and create a different situation, one that other writers can relate to with the one doing a character build off the appearance of the girl.


Story Thoughts: It is an interesting approach. There is potential with the character in particular, but for me it felt a little lacking when it comes to conflict for a story. There is a little bit of the situation of the characters and how they interacted, with the one doing the study and finding out it was about the girl they were meeting. We get a little implication at the end that there might be a dating situation but that part is cut off. Would really need more for that to show through.

I do like the idea of the characters with them being writers. It's something many readers on the site can relate to or find interesting since most are also writers themselves. It has potential but could maybe use a little more development, word count length, or something to add to the story beyond just the characters.


Final Comments: On the technical side, there isn't much to say. It is well written. There is a fair amount of dialogue that makes it jump a little fast but with the character focus, having a decent amount isn't that bad. Could be adjusted if you were going to take things further not that you don't have a word count limit. There might be a little room with the characters to grow more or maybe there is some other conflict that could come out. Just depends what you want to do with it next.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Hope you enjoyed the challenge and had fun coming up with this entry for the contest. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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180
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: Nicely done. This is an interesting approach given the prompt with the image of the girl. You came up with a story that has intrigue, character and story elements that should interest a reader whether they were aware of the contest/image or not. I enjoyed the ending, in particular, along with the rest of the story based on the choices made.


Prompt: *CheckG* The image was easy enough to see in the story and one of the plus sides of this type of prompt is that finding it in items tends to be on the easier side. However, it can be a struggle at times to create a story with conflict and things going on depending on the image presented in the contest. You managed quite well with this particular story that you submitted for the challenge.


Story Thoughts: Well done approach with the conflict and character developed for the story. It has a good starting point, brings the reader along to that ending. We get some insight into the character but will say that is a little limited. However, limits tend to happen somewhere when it comes to these contests because of the word count requirements. Not easy trying to fit everything within 2000 words. So, we get some character and we get plot, which are important to have involved in a story contest.

The end works really well for this particular piece as it wasn't quite where I thought things might lead but it's not way out of line either. Made sense while giving the reader a different result. The quotes at the end in particular stood out for me as a success, which isn't always easy to do because the approach can be a hit or miss one.


Final Comments: A good approach to a story based off the prompt with the technical side also well in tact. I don't have many things I could point out overall. While we all could use an edit or rewrite (that process can be never ending if we allowed ourselves to keep fixing the story) there is also a good level showcased here making it easy to read.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Congratulations on placing second. Nice work and hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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181
Review of Cheating Husband  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello PureSciFiPlus Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A different approach. You manage to create a story with conflict just off a rather static image (okay, it's just a picture not a movie so very static with not much complication implied in the one chosen as the prompt). Having conflict developed, aka story, and a character is something I appreciate as a reader/judge.


Prompt: The prompt was easy to see within the story from the very beginning. *CheckG* The good part about the contest prompt with the image is that one should be able to see the influence easy enough in these entries, for the reader that knows about the prompt at the very least. It doesn't always make it easy to develop a story but at least I can tell when the prompt was an influence. Nice work in pulling a character out of the image and going from there. And you managed to give it a different spin with how you used the image with the girl and the map.


Story Thoughts: There is a strong story involved, which is a definite good point to this story, along with the characters used to help make for an interesting read overall. I did get a little sense that it might have needed to be trimmed down in order to get everything within the limited word count. Wise to use the words you had available considering the scope of the story and the cuts work for the most part. There is just a small feeling of maybe having more room would have helped to push things even further.



Final Comments: Technical wise, you do a good job with the story overall. Some of the elements are a personal choice and different readers will obviously have different opinions to how they feel about their reading experience.

The bold was an interesting choice but I can see the benefits that can bring. Though it does seem to have a draw back in having the larger, bold overall font would have made just using italics to indicate thought a bit difficult to determine with the particular font. You chose to do color instead, which makes sense but at the same time I've never been fond of the use of any colors within fiction entries (and most other things like poetry too) for contests and such. It's a personal preference but I can see reasoning behind the choice, which does help in that matter. Far better than if done at random.

It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the prompt along with coming up with this story based off the imagery presented. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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182
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello WakeUpAndLive~Petra's Vacay Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: Interesting approach with the story and stylistic decisions. While I'm not as into first person pov as other readers might be, it does seem like a good approach given the image and helps bring some character into things. And the choices were interesting with bringing Rembrandt along with the sources of information provided.


Prompt: *CheckG* Was easy enough to see in the story that the image from the contest had some influence on the item. The image can be hit or miss when it comes to story creation, having judged this contest before and it's always interesting to see what approaches people take in putting story/conflict to the provided prompt. This one also included a unique approach in showcasing information to the reader, something that haven't often seen no matter the type of prompt.


Story Thoughts: Overall, some different choices and approach with this particular entry. Character and conflict were not quite the strongest, for me as the reader. It was different to read but I couldn't pull myself into the story enough, when having to compare to others as a judge.

I wasn't too sure on the links as they do risk distracting from the story. Since they do have the different appearance and having to click on them does mean going to another web page, there is a distraction factor. However, on the other side of the coin, it's interesting and informational. The music is a nice touch but I may be a little partial to that and use youtube a little too often at times. It can be a little distracting but I also think different readers will really like those elements as they aren't often found but add something different to the writing.

Final Comments: Nice work with the creation of this piece. Even with it being about half of the word count allowed, it didn't feel clipped or too long either when reading. For the most part, on the technical side, things were well done.

Style wise, a couple of spots it brought part of the sentence down to the next line, which gives an odd looking bit of space. Not sure if it's how the links are done as it does seem to happen at time right before a link, but other spots with links didn't have that issue so it was hard to say for sure.

Thank you for entering the site's official contest to take on the particular image prompt. It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. I hope you enjoyed creating this based off the image provided. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
183
183
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Detective Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

First Impression: A good start with character and the potential for things to happen. Just need more. Maybe get more into the character's head, show things from her pov and have some interaction with another character. That might help build further and add to the situation at hand.


Prompt: The prompt is one that's easy to see though at times images can be a challenge in creating conflict/story. The contest prompt had potential and at least made it simple to tell whether it was used at all for the story you posted. What you provided works enough to qualify for the contest but could have really used more development to stand a better chance to place.


Story Thoughts: As stated above; its a start but doesn't have a complete story feel to it even though we do get somewhere within the three paragraphs provided. It has an idea, a spark, but for a story contest for me, I need to see something more and there was space available since you weren't near the 2,000 word limit of the contest. I'm usually the opposite, often going over and having to cut. You've got room at least when it comes to word count in order to expand pretty much everything within the short bit of flash fiction produced here.

Could possibly look up some writing exercises on show versus tell, in relation to how this particular one is written. It does have that more, tell approach. The paragraph say what is happening to her but we're not really in her pov enough to see what is going on or feel as much of a connection as could be developed with different writing skills used for the story telling. Just an idea to consider for working on the stylistic aspects of the writing.


Final Comments: Put more into the story if it's something that you want to explore. It may be not enough of an interest, the character might not draw you and you could have just done it to try and enter the contest. That's fine too but if those aren't the case, maybe take the character and do some exploring by writing different parts based from what you have thus far. See where the MC leads you and what story can develop from there. Could develop into something quite interesting. Depends on where you take it.

Thank you for entering the site official contest. Hope you enjoyed writing the item and using the image prompt. It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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184
Review of The Treasure Map  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Christopher Roy Denton Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [ASR]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the image based prompt. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I sometimes review for on the site.

First Impression: Nice approach to the story. It's not always easy to create something interesting from some of the image based prompts, from my experience both entering and judging for these contests. The character caught my attention from the start too.


Prompt: *CheckG* This works quite well with the given image prompt. The girl involved and the map bring about the picture and were easy to see as the judge/reader in how the prompt influenced the creation of the story, which is appreciated. I do appreciate being able to see a prompt within a story for contests like this even though sometimes an image can be difficult to incorporate in interesting enough ways.


Story Thoughts: Nicely done with the contest entry. It's not quite what I expected given the start of the story but not in the didn't work kind of way but more in a hmm, interesting result that I wouldn't quite have been able to guess on my own. Not what I saw in the prompt and yet makes sense.

The only struggle I had with the story in general is that during the middle, with the drinking and right after when we get the two girls going out on the adventure, I had a little bit of a struggle distinguishing between the characters. Was easy to mix them up and their voiced started to have a similar ring to them. They were interesting at least.


Other Notes and Suggestions:
These are some of the minor points that caught my attention as the reader. Overall, the story is well written and created for the contest. It was a tough round and decision for us all and we appreciated getting to read all of the entries.

Near the very end, the l-l-l- thing worked for me but I would have cut out the "d-don't" one as it's not as effective in that part.

Also, on this one part of the end, from a technical stand point, would have gotten rid of the - because it's more of a comma situation, for me. (“You see”—he licked his lips—“there's) That just needs the comma and space as it's dialogue with a little action during it. At least, that's how it seems to me. Though the overall aspect of the line works as the ending, giving it that slightly unexpected yet not too out of range result for the story.

Hope you enjoyed the challenge of the contest and the use of the image prompt as inspiration. Keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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185
Review of A Change of Plans  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: It was a nice approach to the prompt with a story that shows someone different who might be able to fill Santa's shoes. There is potential while in general being a well done and finished story based on the prompt from the contest entered.


Title: The title works for the story and has a little appeal with it showing that something is going to happen that is a change. The description helps too as that tells us to expect Santa and who might take over. It is helpful and might create some interest from a reader for them to check out the piece.


Prompt: The story had some specific requirements from the contest with the obvious expectations involved that the story has Santa not able to take part in Christmas and someone who takes over the role. It had to have an emphasis on character since it's for What a Character.


Story Notes: A nice approach overall with the story. There is some development of the characters, which is good to see along with an interesting approach in having Santa have a boy and a girl who take over his role.

The only downside to this approach/interpretation when it comes to character is that it doesn't go as strongly into one viewpoint or another. We get a little jumpy instead of having that focus, which both helps and hinders. This way we see some from Santa and also from the children in what is going to happen but at the same time, that limits how close of a view we get with the children. Not bad or anything, but I do like a bit of a more specific focus on a single character for shorter fiction or in specific scenes, as my own personal preference.

The story is well written but with some room for improvement when it comes to the technical side. A quick edit would do some help fix up some very minor things. Like some typos as those happen for us all as writers including common issues like the words that are similar, including there and their. Also, a few times there are some paragraphs that don't have a space to separate them while the rest of the story does have that space. It helps to be consistent and it really does make it easier on the reader for online to have that little space between each paragraph.

Nice work with the story and thank you for entering the contest. I hope you had fun. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: An interesting approach to the prompt. While there is the iconic elements on Santa in the prompt, you took that aspect to a whole new level with all of the pop culture and other aspects you pushed into the story. We get sort of the following of an already done story but in so many ways, since using all of the different elements you really made it your own instead of it coming off too other stories that have already been done. Definitely an 18+ story and I shouldn't be surprised since I judge your other stories. *Wink*


Title: A nice title that does really link to the story. The description doesn't give much information but I do appreciate that you mention the contest since others who randomly come upon the item might not know what it was written for without that added somewhere. It would help to have a little information about the story in the description to help entice readers but it doesn't hinder without it either.


Prompt: The prompt is a specific one in the expectations it created, which does make it easy enough for the reader/judge to see within the entries. In this one, we needed to have Santa not able to follow his usual Christmas tasks and someone to save the day. There had to be an emphasis on character because this is for What a Character. For the prompt, we do get to see those elements in your story with the issue of Santa and her having to do something about it somehow.


Story Notes: It was a different approach right from the start. I have to admit, that with the prompt I wasn't quite expecting the very beginning of this story. Not the dialogue part, that worked with the immediate reference to Santa and it was a line that draws the reader in at once. However, what I didn't expect was at the start of a Santa based story that wasn't a Quickie prompt (or similar contests) to involve discussion on boob size. lol

I liked the carol aspect. The story itself doesn't read exactly as a music carol but I like the little bits and how it was divided by those "carol" elements. Plus, of course, there is the following of the Christmas Carol story that is obviously an influence for the title. We get that format, the "ghosts" as it were and a definite emphasis on character.

However, while I do have several things that I liked about the story and approach, I also have to admit that during reading it, I was confused a few different times. During the ventures, past/present/future, there are a couple of points that I couldn't figure out what is going on. Also, while the word count limit is far more than some others we know, it does feel like maybe there needed even more room for this story. It could fit with a much longer story with how many elements are pushed into the piece. I probably didn't even know all of the references, but I did get a majority of them.

Nice work and I hope you enjoyed creating the story. Thanks for the entry. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: It is a nice approach to the prompt and character. There were some fun elements in particular, which is good to see considering the fact that it's a rather iconic set of character with the focus being Mrs Claus, who is known but not quite at the same level as her husband. While one of the more obvious choices based on the prompt, I think you did well with giving the main character an interesting identity and coming up with something for the reader to enjoy.


Title: The title is nice in that if someone is looking for a Christmas related story, they know that is something they will find in this particular static item. It is a little obvious in that it says who is going to save the day but that can be both help or hinder, depending on who might be considering reading the story. The description gives a little more details and I liked the ending part of that with the link to the title and the word choices.


Prompt: The prompt is specific in the requirements expected and that made it easy for the judges and readers to see when they were followed. For story, there had to be an issue with Santa Claus so that he can't do his normal Christmas job and someone needs to save the day. There had to be an emphasis on character too since it was for the What a Character contest. For these points, you succeeded and it was easy to find them within the story and the title/description.


Story Notes: You did a nice job with this story in the plot, character and the technical side. While the problem created that gets in the way isn't the most dynamic, it's also rather realistic. And the characters are really what make the story, which is a good approach for this particular contest.

There weren't any particular aspects of the item that stood out in regards to the technical side of the writing. It's well done.

I like the dynamics you created between Mr and Mrs Claus. They are realistic even if some of the things are a little stereotypical considering Santa's known diet and some married couple interactions that have been done a number of times before. However, it didn't really harm the reading of the story because in this case, the interactions and comments worked.

Nice work overall with the story and I hope you enjoyed writing for the contest. Thank you for the entry. Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: Nice work in creating something for the contest. It made me curious about the poem since that gets mentioned in the description of the item. I wonder if the poem is as character and out there as the story was from the very start. There are some things that didn't work for me but there were also a couple of them that I tend not to lean towards but could appreciate your usage in those elements brought to the contest entry.


Title: The title is interesting because it brings up questions. It tells us something of what to expect while the description gives information the reader wouldn't have known otherwise but didn't provide any other details for what the reader might expect.


Prompt: The prompt is easy to see in many cases because it provided a distinct expectation. We needed simply to have Santa not able to do the job because of some problem and someone to solve the problem with a focus on character. You definitely have Santa and a problem with Rudolph along with a team effort coming together in order to save the day.


Story Notes: It's an interesting approach with what you had to work with in the challenge of the official contest for the month. It does good things in creating the conflict, showing things happening and one can definitely say they noticed the characters when reading the item.

While I liked the general idea of the story and characters shown, I do have to say that I was a little confused. I felt like I was missing a key bit of information to tell what the big deal was over the trees. While, I know trees are big decorations points, I didn't know what was special about this tree or why Rudolph would be in such of a panic because I don't have that bit of information or I somehow missed it in the different times I looked over the story.

The very beginning and some of the dialogue was a bit of a miss for me. I get what you're trying to do with Rudolph and creating the drama but having the noises as dialogue as the very starting point, it came off a tad rough. I'm not a fan of exclamation marks used within most stories and the sniff one in particular, throws me off. However, while I don't care for all caps used for words, in many ways it worked this time around and partly because it is limited and not entire, long sentences. And it's the same with the bold. Not a fan of making sections stand out in that form but for this case, it worked. Granted, a little editing would help on the technical side, yet it's still working with the potential for more.


I hope that you enjoyed creating this story and the development it took to go from the poem to the longer item. Thank you for the contest entry. Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Delivery Man  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: I liked the story you pulled together for this contest. You have brought in a few different elements to the story, little moments or influences while still making an original tale about Santa having to rely on his brother to deliver the presents. Little things like the joke about a woman kissing Santa from a song was a nice touch. And I liked the reference to Krampus as well.


Title: The title is nice because it's not overly obvious to what we can expect from the story. It doesn't tell me the big problem or who is saving the day, but it does show some element of the story with the description to show more about what is found withing to entice the reader.


Prompt:{/b The prompt was nice and easy in a way because it provided both the scenario and focus while still allowing interpretation. Requirements were easy for the reader to find within the stories too since we just needed to have a problem get in the way for Santa so that someone has to step up to save the day. For the contest, character had to be an emphasis and we got to see that with your delivery man along with a bit from Santa, who is quite a character for sure when written into a story.


Story Notes: Overall a nice work with the creation of this story. It has some interesting elements for sure that all caught my attention.

While some points were cute and fun, making me think but not throwing me off, I will admit one of the little moments brought about a little doubt from me. Even with magic and such, it sounded a little odd for Santa to say they had never made a mistake in sixteen hundred years. That created a break in the suspension of belief for just a second.

Technical and personal opinion aspect for this story involves some of the dialogue and punctuation choices. Not to say that any of this was wrong but it's something that is not within my personal preference and I'm bringing them up for your consideration. And one of those types within this item for me was the use of the exclamation mark. While it's okay to have them, for me, that particular one is best to use in limited fashion because the more it's used, the less impact it starts to have. And you have over 15 in the bottom half of the story and yes, I counted. They could be trimmed down in edit, which will help as that way the ones left in have the better impact.

While some of these aspects are part of what created the character, it also almost pushed them too far in terms of the dialogue and approach. It's not bad but sometimes have to watch how we do the characters in stories that are so iconic, like ones involving Santa, so that it doesn't become overdone. But it still worked in many ways and gave us something creative to read.


Thank you for entering the contest and I hope you enjoyed creating this story. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


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Review of Stepping Up  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: Nice work in general with the story you created for the contest. It's a fun little story to show how things can improve even with a bad situation. We get that something happens to Santa, who is quite an iconic character, and the digital approach in solving that problem made for an interesting choice. The doubter elf too made for a different character and helped balance the story while also showing development as the solution sort of proves him wrong.


Title: The title is nice because it does provide some information without being overly obvious in what is about to happen. I liked that the title didn't mention Santa and instead that was left for the description portion, where it fits well as we need that little bit of information but not too much is provided. Just want to gain interest so the reader wants to find out more, which isn't always an easy balance to create.


Prompt: The prompt wasn't too difficult to interpret for this round of What a Character. It had to involve a situation where Santa couldn't follow his duties for the event along with some character focus. This story does fit within those requirements and expectations.


Story Notes: Nice job overall. The writing is fairly well done and not too many technical notes that would cause distraction for the reader. While there are a couple of points that I noticed as the judge/reader, it still was a fun little piece to read.

There are a couple of points that did catch my attention. I had a little confusion over the timeline when it came to the ending of the story. The line about waiting for Christmas morning is amusing, but I also had to stop and wonder because of it. If Christmas was saved then wouldn't it already be morning? I did like the line even if it created a little bit of confusion. And the reference to not making video games at first was believable but then having the elves have computers and work on facebook, that made me wonder why they wouldn't be able to do video games and such.

On the side of personal preference, there is also the font that came to mind as a slight distraction. I don't mind having the story bold to make it a little easier for some to read as the fonts look different depending on a few factors. However, I had a little bit of a distraction when I noticed the color seemed a little off. Is it green? It's close to the usual black but off a little and for me, that's not something I care too much for in stories and poems, in particular ones entered in contests.

Either way, nice work with the story and I hope you had fun creating this for the contest. Thank you for the entry. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: I like the idea of the sort of underdog type of character being the one to save the day. You picked someone original too in the choice of character. Sure there are many renditions of Santa Claus and you could have chosen someone people have heard about but instead focused on showing an unexpected, unknown character to try and save the day. It had a good direction and potential but lost it a little for me within the execution.


Title: The title of the story is a little different in that it doesn't out right state what is going on in the story. It doesn't mention Christmas while still having a little hint to the holidays with the around the world aspect or who is saving the day, which is kind of nice to have something else for the title while using the description spot to let the reader know some things to expect.


Prompt: The prompt is not too difficult to interpret because they expect the story to involve Santa not being able to fulfill the job of giving out presents on Christmas. There has to be a focus on character since the contest this month is What a Character. For those requirements, the story does fit with having the one man offer to take on the job when Santa is sick.


Story Notes: Overall, the story had a good plotline with the interesting element of the little girl, playing on the what if a child wasn't asleep as they are supposed to be. You gave him something to do that was sort of against the rules but in a way that we want to root for him. Character wise, things were getting there but it was a little rough at first because we get the people who think he can't. That does the point in bringing out the underdog aspect, however, it also made a bit of a distance that give a little struggle as we need to want to like the character and their story. Not bad but something that adds a little complication for some readers in how they will want to continue to read to see if he can do the task or not.

On the technical side, the story does need a little work with the spacing of paragraphs. Some of the paragraphs had the space between them but other parts of the story didn't have the same amount of space. Take the very last paragraphs in the story for an example. What is sort of the very last paragraph could be two because it's missing a space between them. There I mean after "And He was willing to help John" and before "When John got back to the North Pole..." for the spacing of paragraphs. That is one section of about 5 within the story.

For viewing on WDC, my personal preference is to have the very top of the static item be the story and not many other things. We can get prompt information and word count at the very end as they are good to have but not the focus or main point for the reader to be viewing the item here. There is a little too much space at the top pushing the focus down a little.

Those are a more personal preference but something to maybe consider with items for some contests on here. The appearance of the words and paragraphs does help the reader and with posting, that is something to think about overall aside from just sharing the story and character with them.


Nice work and I hope you enjoyed writing this story. Thank you for entering the contest. Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Santa-napped  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: An interesting little story about what happens if someone decides to take Santa hostage. It was a decent approach to the prompt provided by the contest with some noteable figures involved. This contest did have some big shoes to fill considering the prompt had ot involve the iconic characters including Santa Claus and you decided to include a couple more, such as the Grinch. While it had some fun elements with those decision, a little bit of it also came off a little too much already done from other stories.


Title: This title is straight forward in telling what is going to happen in the story. The description is nice in that it let's the potential reader know that it was made for the contest in particular. However, later it might help to write something about the story to entice them to check out the static item if you keep it in your port.


Prompt: The prompt is somewhat specific because it has the requirement of something keeping Santa from following his duties for Christmas. Also, because it's the What a Character contest, there is the requirement for an emphasis on character. The story does meet the prompt expectations as it involves Santa getting taken away in an attempt to ruin Christmas.


Story Notes: Nice work, in general, with the creation of this story based on the particular contest and prompt. Nothing too much was noticeable on the technical side aside from one minor point. It was well written overall.

For the technical point to consider, I would suggest looking up "saidisms" and options for trimming down on them within the story. For a very short word limit in particular, you don't want to do the different forms of "said" for a large portion of the dialogue. There are ways to incorporate actions and such within the paragraph of the dialogue without having to tell the reader that the person is saying things. The quotation marks help facilitate that fact as well, so sometimes you can get away without having any of the typical options like: declared, asked, stated, replied, etc.

Story wise, I have to admit that the Grinch felt a little less creative for the antagonist to me. In his story, he already has had his heart grow big as he returned the gifts to those in Who-ville, so it has been seen before. The ending follows a similar format to his story, which I can see the reasoning for that approach and has some merit but at the same time also lends to the less original feeling overall.

The end also came a little too easy. The word count limit may have influenced the factor but there didn't seem to be that much of a fight, which isn't quite as interesting for the reader because we want there to be a challenge and that little question of what if they fail to exist.

Still, nice work in the creation of this story. I hope you enjoyed coming up with this piece and thank you for entering the contest. Keep Writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review of Elf Team Six  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: A fun approach with a different interpretation of the rather iconic Santa and his elves. While some chose the have a replacement, this one was interesting because it focused on rescuing Santa from a danger so he can return to his job by Christmas. Frostbite was also a decent choice in character as it's something believable but also shows some levels of creativity to bring about him as the antagonist.


Title: The title is interesting because it doesn't specifically say what is going on in the story. It's not too out there and open, which can be appreciated. Though knowing the prompt, it does imply enough that we have something going on with who will save Christmas. However, those seeing it not in relation to the contest might be interested in what an elf team might involve (except the random ones who don't like elves but that is their loss).

The description is different. What I liked about it was you tried to get the reader's attention, which is the goal of that spot on the static item. You say what the story is about to a degree without giving it away. That is good. However, I'm not sure if trying to say what the reader will feel or pointing out the level of humor to expect ended up working in favor of the story. While I found it had funny moments, it didn't come off as hilarious to me. So, while a nice idea it almost sets up the expectations too high and makes the reader maybe notice something or have less of an impact created because of that mark brought up before they have read the story.


Prompt: The prompt is somewhat straight forward. The story has to involve the situation of Santa not being able to do his job and the writer can come up with their reason as to what caused this conflict. Also, since it is the What a Character contest instead of the other officials, there has to be an emphasis on the characters. For that, you did well because we get the prompt (Santa is kidnapped) and who is trying to save the day, even with this one being them saving Santa and not taking his place in the giving out toys job.


Story Notes: It was a nice approach overall and use of the elves in the adventure of the day/story. You have a decent writing style and it's easy enough to read and understand what is going on during the different sections.

One of the main issues that I come across is something I deal with when I try to enter these all of the time and it's trying to fit a story within the limited word count. It's challenging to get a short story done with a dynamic plot and characters plus adding the different points of view creates more of a challenge. In the end it feels like there needs to be more room for the different scenes to really show the reader what is going on along with showcasing the several characters involved.

While I can see some of the humor attempts there are a couple of points that didn't work for me. The Professor Doodyhead lines fell flat for me in particular. For me, it was a little too childish and it seemed random. Instead, they could have found a mocking name that related more to frost that could have been still funny but a little more clever in the approach. Because of this while there is a little humor, the story doesn't reach the "hilarious" expectation that is provided by the story description.

Nice work. I hope you enjoyed coming up with this little escapade for the elves. Thank you for entering the contest. Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: Nice approach. There were fun elements to the story from in part, the prompt, the creation of character and the little bonus WDC aspects found within. It had some fun elements along with doing what the prompt required even though some aspects of character had some struggle aspects that I'll get to within the review.


Title: The title is very specific in connection with the prompt for the contest. Along with the description, it's pretty easy for the reader to know what they are going to find in the story as to what it is about overall. It doesn't scream who will take the role but it does tell the reader that something is going on with Christmas and they might want to read to find out.


Prompt: The prompt is pretty straightforward in that character is important and the story has to involve Santa not being able to take his role on Christmas. Had to focus on that situation but with the contest being What a Character instead of the other official ones, the focus too had to incorporate character, mostly the one taking over the challenge to save Christmas. To that extent, you did well with following the prompt and showcasing character.


Story Notes: Interesting character development and choice with focusing on Mrs. Claus in this one. While not the only one to decide on that approach, makes sense considering the basic prompt everyone had to follow, the way you show her is going to stand out in comparison to others, which is important for What a Character contest.

I'm one who actually knows some of the angel army members used within the story. Though with them being other moderators, a few of us should know them. It is helpful to some degree because it adds a personal, playfulness to the story. However, when I see Sapph in a story, I expect a little more from that one in particular. He is quite a specific type of character and just a line about soup is not going to be enough if putting him into the story. At least, for those of us that know who is being added.

While it was fun to have angels in the story, I did sort of wonder about why there were there. Mostly, with Santa, we think of elves more than anything else, so we kind of expect them more as a reader. Without any link or connection shown to the WDC group that it seems were combined in order to make the story, it can come off a little out of place.

But overall it was a nice approach and since we are on WDC, kind of a fun way to put together a story for a site contest. Hope you enjoyed writing it and thank you for entering.

Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings. I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt. My reviews are also connected to a group I'm a member of on this site, "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+]. Hope the reviews help and that you enjoyed writing.


Overall: A different approach in story and interpretation of the prompt with the addition of a more sci-fi element to the characters. While many went with the more approach of having something happen to Santa Clause to get in the way, having to admit retirement or something of that nature, going with a sort of pink slip approach does provide a different view on the prompt.


Title: The title is straight forward in giving the reader an idea where they story would lead since it is about Father Christmas getting a termination. That is the focus of the entire story so it's no surprise but does have a little something that might peek a reader's interest once they see the description as they will wonder how Santa could have that come up at all.


Prompt: The prompt is pretty specific and easy to focus on in the story since you had to write something showing character where Santa was not able to follow his duties one year. You do that in the story to a degree with the different take of having the cyborg be the one coming off as someone who was supposed to take his place.


Story Notes: As stated above, it creates an interesting story based around the prompt with the aspect of termination and bringing in the cyborg type of character. I don't write much in the sci-fi range but do have some interest in stories that use those elements as a reader.

The only struggle with the approach in how this story goes is that while the ending really gives the reader something they want, it was a little challenging to get there because you have the non-likeable as the potential replacement. The ones speaking to Santa are definitely in a more antagonist type of role. There was a slowness to the story for me near the middle when we're trying to figure out what will happen to Father Christmas and if the so called replacement can stack up. Once we get near the ending things picked up a little more but there was a stall for me in getting to that point.

On a personal preference note: I prefer to see the prompt and word count, if listed, placed at the very bottom of the item instead of the top. The focus at the beginning should be the story or poem and those other details can come later. And the title is already listed in its own spot so doesn't need to be included within the body of the item as well. Though nice touch on the link to reviews at the very bottom. Never really thought about doing that one.

Overall, nice work with creating the story based on the provided prompt. The sci-fi/cyborg element did provide a different feel that can be appreciated. Hope you enjoyed creating the story and thank you for entering the contest.

Keep Writing.

Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Chris Breva Author Icon. Thank you for entering round 228 of the Weekly Quickie contest and writing for the gift of action prompt. I hope you enjoyed writing for the prompt.


First Impression: Overall, it was a nice approach even though the prompt wasn't as strong throughout. Having the Christmas element in the beginning helped and the characters have a spark that will interest the readers. There is a room for improvement and potential with the approach given for the flash fiction story.


Prompt: The story has the basics of the prompt since there aren't any physical gifts. Instead, they are going on a date. It's a little minimal for the prompt but enough to qualify. While I liked the couple, we don't quite get enough to know how the actions is so much better than some present. Maybe the coworker aspect is a little less helpful because of that factor, though that can make things more interesting if taking the story longer.


Characters/Story: The story has potential. It's hard to get everything done within the limited word counts for the contest, which I know from experience. However, the beginning comes off a little too much trying to explain their situation. I get the purpose for most of it since you're trying to get the reader to understand the characters and their interest in each other. However, it could have been edited down with more put in the bottom half to really make it even more erotic since most of the Quickie is based off fitting in the erotica genre. The characters show their potential by the end, which if the beginning is cut down, then it would let them blossom even more as I want to see into the pov even more as the reader.


Other Notes: On the technical side, things went pretty well within your entry. There weren't any grammatical or punctuation issues that stood out, which is helpful as we don't want anything to get in the way of the story.

However, I did find it a little odd to have a link to the story at the very beginning of the story because it's not a place where it's needed. For me, I like to get right into the story when I click on an item and it's the same with poems. It's better to have the extra information whether it's word counts, prompts or form for poetry left for the very bottom so the reader can focus on the important part of the item.

Also, I would recommend maybe putting up the rating on the item to GC since you do take it to the sexual action at the end of the story. It's hard to do well with 18+ in Quickie unless it's a romance round and when an item on WDC starts getting into sexual description, it's usually better to go on the safe side and put the rating up a little higher.

Overall, nice work with the task of writing for the prompt.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


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Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Chris24 Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest and attempting the chosen genre. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

Prompt: This time around, due to the nature of the contest, it was relatively easy to create a story that fit the prompt because it required just a story in the fantasy genre. Your story went quite well in this regard and it was easy enough for me to see how it fit for the contest. Nice work with that.

Characters/Plot: I like the name Avery. Have a character with the same name, though mine is a boy one as I tend more towards that for main and secondary/love interest characters. *Wink* Still, fun name for anyone and interesting to see the character development that others have and features they affix to certain names.

The turn the plot took closer to the end caught me off guard a little, I have to admit. Not in a negative way or out of no where but not quite where I saw things heading, which works because the main character wasn’t expecting things going that way either. Helps show the pov usage with that. And I think it works overall, the conflict and the characters involved. It was an intense route to take. Nice choice and story.

Other Notes: Not too much to add here beyond a little nit-picking and nothing more. You did a nice work overall with this story and it was one that I enjoyed. So, here is just the minor point that caught my attention as the reader…

One minor point you could consider to work on with edits and rewrites would be the use of adverbs, in particular those ending in -ly. I’ts not a big deal but can strengthen the overall tone of the writing when those types are a bit more limited. Some are okay but I like to have less than a couple within a few paragraphs. Personal preference on the tech side of the writing.

Thank you for entering the Journey Through the Genres contest for the fantasy round. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge of the official contest and keep writing.


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Review of Hare Trigger  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello BD Mitchell Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest and attempting the chosen genre. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

Prompt: The contest had a rather simple prompt in that it just required a story within the fantasy genre, which was easy enough to follow. The character working as a wizard gave that element of the necessary genre right away, so that’s a good start. Story qualified for the contest with the character and situation he gets involved within.

Characters/Plot: Nice concept with the character and not so glamorous world working as a wizard and handling different situations or unknown creatures. Fun to have a character you write, as the link shows, with the adventures and other options. Stood a little on its own story wise but also a small section of an interesting world.

The method of combating the hare was a nice touch, with the musical notes and all. Also, an interesting choice with the “creature” being the hare instead of some other type that might have presented a different level or threat.

Other Notes: Nothing much to note here as you did well with the technical side in writing this story. Some less common details, like the size of font and bolding the first letter of the story. Understandable but still, not something seen very often online with the different stories available on the site.

On the technical side, while some of the italics made sense, I wasn’t always sure the reason for having the font style. The rendition of Roy Rogers and the occasional emphasis near the end was easy to see but some of the earlier bits, I had a harder time discerning the reason behind the usage. Well, I mean, I do get the parts as thoughts, just seemed like it could be a little too often with the different reasons and fonts involved.

Nice work with the story and thank you for entering Journey Through the Genres. I hope you had fun with this entry and keep writing.




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199
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello remusmdh Author Icon.

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your poem as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window. [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest and attempting the chosen genre. This review is also in connection with "The Rockin' Reviewers" Open in new Window. [13+], which is a group I often review for on the site.

Prompt: Borderline leaning towards horror but with enough fantasy elements to fit within the requirements of the prompt. It was easy enough with the story needing just to be in the fantasy genre and nothing more beyond that. Worked well enough for me to qualify.

Characters/Plot: Bit different of an approach for the fantasy prompt with the bit of horror added in along with managing to intertwine character, plot and setting. We get a little less involved with the main character, as there are some limits due to short story word count ranges. The bonus with that approach is that it gives a little room for showing other aspects, which helped build a stronger story.

I wasn’t quite certain what was going on all of the time with the plot but managed to get there in the end. It was a little dodgy at first, not quite sure on her role and the place she had to go. The ending, however, settled things quite well.

Other Notes: Overall, you did a decent job with the story. It’s kind of interesting how different stories and writing styles can create a different affect and feeling with length based on the focus and word choices. I mean, in this case, the story almost felt longer than the rather short word count requirement. It wasn’t too long but had a longish feeling created through the paragraphs and sentence structures used. Not saying it’s bad or anything, just something I noticed.

You could move the word count to the end of the story instead of the beginning. It doesn't hinder the story in any way, and I do know very few contests actually prefer that information up front. Personally, as a reader that is a minor detail and I'd rather see the story first and as a judge catch that bit of information later. However, it's really up to you in the end as it's your story.

Nice work with the writing. Thank you for entering the fantasy round of Journey Through the Genres. Hope you enjoyed creating this entry and keep writing.


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200
Review of a storm is coming  Open in new Window.
Review by Dawn Embers Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Unofficial Erotica Newsletter ...  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie contest and attempting my April Showers/May Flowers prompt. I appreciated the entry and hope you enjoyed writing for the contest.


Prompt:
Works for me. The prompt is a little open for interpretation, which is part of the reason I chose it back then. Though I have used rain a couple of times, that element is nice along with the general aspect of the possible storm in the distance. Only minor thing I could say in relation to the prompt might be it's very easy to see April showers but I can see the May flowers aspect is much harder to incorporate at the same time. Nothing against the story but something you could play with when entering other prompts like it if you want work on prompt incorporation, as there are many ways to handle such a prompt.


Characters/Story:
A nice little glance into the characters and moment but not very much, since the word count requirement limits to a certain extent. Would have needed more space in order to get character and more of a "plot" to the story. They do seem like a good couple together from the aspects shown in the flash fiction story.



Other Notes:
Not too much to say here, just a little note.

For the ending, I think the story could use a little work as the last sentences don't have as much of an impact as they could have. It's not bad or anything but there is room for improvement too. The last sentence of the story is important since it's the final thing the reader will see before they move on to something else plus wanting to tie everything together and make it feel done, so there is a lot riding on those words.

Overall, nice work.

Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


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